Eyeballing It: Random Mass Effect Drabble
by xXthecatalystXx
Summary: Random drabble featuring FemShep and the gang. With guest appearances from Serviceman Chung, Tali's shotgun, Charr the poetry reciting Krogan, and other favorites. BioWare owns the characters, I just like to play with them a bit...
1. Spaced

****Characters**: Shepard  
><strong>**Word Count**: 103  
><strong>**Rating**: K  
><strong>**Author's Note:** Well I got bored so I finally decided to try my hand as some Mass Effect drabble/fluff/whatever-you-want-to-call-it lol. For practicality's sake I'll be putting them all in one story. They'll all be between 100-1000 words and feature characters from ME1 and ME2. Welp, that's enough babbling. Let's begin, shall we?********

**Spaced**

She slammed the pod's door just before a final explosion rocketed her into deep space.

_Oh crap, I've been spaced. _Panic tried to seep in, but years of military conditioning quickly took over._ Okay, it's okay, I can get through this. What's the procedure? Right. Take even breaths and the suit should do the rest. Ah the suit, this has to be one of the greatest inventions known to man. When they find me I'm gonna write a letter to the manufacture letting them know how much I love this su- what was that sound?_

The hoses snap. Her back arches. Then, darkness...


	2. Calibrations

****Characters**: Kelly Chambers & Garrus Vakarian  
><strong>**Word Count**: 242  
><strong>**Rating**: K  
><strong>**Author's Note:** Am I the only person who thinks that Kelly is a bit of a creeper? Yes? No? Okay...hahaha...********

**Calibrations**

Kelly made her way to Garrus' station at the forward batteries for the third time that week to find the Turian hard at work. "Hey, what ya doin'?" she asks even though the answer is obvious.

"Just running some calibrations," he responds, turning to face her. "If you are here for another psych evaluation I can assure you Miss Chambers that my mental health is totally stable."

"Oh no, it's nothing like that today Garrus, I just came to see if you wanted to get lunch with me," she says, sprinkling in a hint of suggestion.

His good mandible flexes in surprise. "As ahh- interesting as that sounds, I'm a bit busy at the moment."

"Well you know what they say," she says, walking over to his side, "About all work and no play," her words come out in a purr as she leans back on the consul. Unfortunately for her this disrupts the firing sequence that he was inputting.

"There was a drift of 84.5 SGM. Please readjust your firing sequence and try again," EDI's monotone voice drones from the consul.

"Oops..."

Garrus closes his eyes tight in vexation, and when they open again they seem to be devoid of all emotion. "Goodbye Miss Chambers," he says, voice taking on a frightening predatory edge.

Paling, Kelly backs out the room, Shepard's words taunting her thoughts.

_"Never get between Garrus and his calibrations."_


	3. Broken

**Characters****: Kaidan Alenko**  
><strong>Word Count<strong>**: 100**  
><strong>Rating<strong>**: K**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Now what did we learn Mr. Alenko? _*sighs* Never walk towards old Prothean technology without knowing what it is first._ Very good.

**Broken**

"Shepard!" Kaidan yelled, reaching out for her, despite the fact that she was suspended six feet over his head.

"No, it's too dangerous..." Ashley's voice was but a distant echo in his mind.

Ignoring the Chief he attempted to go forward again, but two restraining hands held him back, keeping him from rescuing his Commander.

Shepard floated for a moment longer before the green aura flickered and died, dropping the woman's body to the ground.

Finally, finally the hands released him. He ran to her. Still breathing, but totally unconscious.

_She's been broken, and it's all my fault..._


	4. Birth

**Characters: Thane Krios  
>Word Count: 114<br>Rating: K  
><strong>**Author's Note: ...yeah I got nothing lol...**

**Birth**

_She gives one final push. Screams erupt from the tiny body in the midwife's arms._

_'It's a boy,' she says, handing the squirming bundle to Irikah, 'A beautiful baby boy!' _

_The child stills itself at his mother's touch. I look down at him and two bright brown eyes stare back at me._

_He is...perfect._

_'Meet your father, little one,' she says, extending the baby towards me. Carefully I take him and instantly my world feels complete. 'What shall we name him?' Irikah asks, smiling sleepily._

_'Kolyat. We'll call him Kolyat.'_

"You okay?" Shepard asks as Thane emerges from the cell that holds his now fully grown son.

"Yes. It is...just another memory."


	5. Schooled

**Characters**: Miranda, Legion, & Shepard  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 662  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T-ish?  
><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Miranda has a few questions about the Commander's recent purchases...the answer is... interesting...

**Schooled**

"You called for me Miss Lawson?"

The icy eyed Aussie looked up at the assassin. For the life of her she couldn't understand what Shepard saw in him, but she long ago gave up on trying to understand her CO. "Yes Mr. Krios, I did. I noticed that as of late Shepard has been spending quite a bit of credits on some rather questionable items."

Thane head tilts to the side. "Oh? Such as?"

"Well let's look at her latest order. There was the five thousand credits spent on a pair of shoes and jogging suit from some old Earth company called Adidas. And the other ten thousand on some old music device called a boombox. Twenty-five credits for some sweatbands, twelve on some knee high socks, and five for a cardboard box," she looked up from the screen to the Drell. His lips were quirked up into a smile and his eyes had a far away look. "Look Mr. Krios, if you and Shepard have some type of..._fetish_," a mental shudder there, "then that's your business. Once you start bringing our credits into it however..." Thane's snickering stopped her mid-sentence. "Why are you laughing?" she hissed, eyebrow arched in annoyance.

Seeing her disposition he instantly straightened up, once again becoming the picture of stoicism. "I am sorry Miss Lawson, but it seems as if you have the wrong idea about my Siha's purchases. I can assure you that they don't pertain to anything as- _scandalous _as you think."

"Then what exactly is she doing with all of it?"

"I doubt that you would believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"I think that this is something that is best seen for yourself. Would you please accompany me to the hanger level?"

**-Two Minutes Later-**

"Go Shepard, go Shepard, go! Go Shepard, go Shepard, go!"

"What the bloody hell is going on in here?" Miranda yelled over her chanting crew mates.

"Didn't you hear? Shepard called Legion out!" Joker yelled back over his shoulder.

"'Called him out?' Called him out for what?"

"A dance off, duh."

The XO shot a look at the Drell who just shrugged before pushing her way through the throng of bodies. Finally she made it to the center of the circle to find Joss Shepard, Savior of the Citadel, hero of the Skyllian Blitz, in a bright red jogging suit _breakdancing_ on a cardboard box. The woman did a few spins on her head then stopped in a position that had to require major balance and flexibility before flipping back to her feet as her crew continued to cheer.

"Top that Legion!" she yelled as she went to go crouch next to what Miranda could only assume to be the boombox.

"Building consensus," Legion said, eyeflaps wiggling a bit. "Consensus has been reached. We will, 'top that' as you said Shepard-Commander." The geth stepped onto the box and began to move about in a very robotic manner, and the crowd went wild. Then he dropped to his back and began to spin for two minutes, the crew getting louder with every rotation. "Shepard-Commander," the geth said, standing to his feet, "We believe that you have been 'schooled.' We will now commence a with a list of derogatory remarks about your maternal unit."

"Joker! Stop teaching Legion how to trash talk!"

"Commencing. Your maternal unit is so corpulent that the odds against not finding her are approximately three thousand, seven-hundred and twenty to one. Your maternal unit's processor is so slow that it takes ten seconds for her to reach a consensus. Your maternal unit is so promiscuous that she willingly has intercourse with any male organic in her immediate vicinity. Your maternal unit's hygiene is so bad that..."

"I'm working with a bunch of idiots," Miranda mumbled as she stalked back to her office.


	6. Breeding Requests

**Characters:** Shepard, Garrus, Kelly, Joker, & Grunt  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 620  
><strong>Rating:<strong> T  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Thank God for Kasumi's open bar...

**Breeding Requests**

After two hours and a lot of swearing, Joss Shepard had finally managed to scrub all of the giant acid spewing worm from hell goop off of her armor. Feeling as if she deserved a reward for all of her hard work, she padded down into the mess, grabbed a bowl of what Gardner called "Skyllian surprise stew," then plopped herself down in the nearest empty seat.

Giving the thick blackish brown goo a cautious taste and finding it to be surprisingly delicious, she began to shovel the food into her mouth unceremoniously. A couple of minutes into her meal she felt eyes on her back, three pairs to be exact. "Can I help you?" she asked, not even bothering too look up from her meal.

"Not at all Commander," Joker, Garrus, and Kelly replied in unison.

With a sigh Shepard turned to face the trio. "Okay, what the hell are you three up to?"

"Shepard, I'm hurt," Garrus said in mock offense.

"Yeah Commander, why must you always assume the worst?" Joker pipped in.

"It's probably due to her rocky childhood," Kelly stage whispered, "She is the product of a broken home..."

"Kelly, could we not?" Shepard said throwing her hands up in exasperation. "If any of you have a point I advise you to make it now before I hit you with a warp so strong that it'll make a varren attack look humane."

"Alright, alright, no need to get violent," Garrus said, putting his hands up in surrender.

"Yeah, Commander, don't get your boyshorts in a bunch. Kelly just has a message to deliver to you," Joker said with a smirk.

"Chambers?" the vanguard asked with a raised eyebrow.

The Yeoman cleared her throat. "According to EDI's reports, Clan Urdnot's strength has grown since the destruction of Clan Weyrlock. Also, killing the thresher maw has produced several breeding requests for Grunt..."

"Well whoop-de-fuggin-do for Grunt. At least now I know why he was in such a rush to get back to Tuchanka," Shepard chuckled.

"But that's not all Commander...there was also one for you."

All of the color drained from Shepard's light brown face. "_Excuse me?_"

"Well, apparently there's some male Krogans that would like to take a whack at you Commander," Joker managed to get out between laughs.

"Ah- at least we're assuming they're males," Garrus interjected after a guffaw that he tried cover up with a cough.

Shepard just sat there stunned. She knew that killing the maw was a big deal, but to offer a breeding request, and to a human no less...

"So are you going to take them up on their offer?" Joker asked once the laughter died down.

That snapped her out of her stupor. "What? No. _Hell_ no."

Garrus gave her a Turian smile. "If any human could survive mating with a Krogan it would be you Shepard." That earned him a death glare.

"It's such an honor to be asked Commander," Kelly started, "And really, I think that this is something that you should seriously consider..."

"This conversation is over!" Shepard shouted as she made her way to the elevator.

"Not if we keep talking, it isn't!" Joker yelled back.

Ignoring their jeers, Shepard impatiently slapped at the elevator's call button. A few seconds later the doors opened to reveal Grunt decked out in his new armor.

"Battlemaster!" The Krogan bellowed, "You coming with me to Tuchanka to fulfill our breeding requests?"

"Ugh! God, I really need a drink," she said as she stumbled off to the Port Observation deck.


	7. Taken

**Characters:** Shepard  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 827  
><strong>Rating:<strong> T  
><strong>Author's Note:<strong> So I've not updated in awhile, this was mostly due to me heading home early for Memorial Day weekend. I've been spending a lot of time with my cousins and such, but now we're tired of looking at each other so I finally have time to sit down and type something lol. Anyways! My poor, poor Shepard tends to lapse into unpleasant memories, this is one of those times...

**Taken**

"_Now the next part is very important. They're going to take you."_

Joss Shepard looked on in horror as the men grabbed the girl from under the bed. She kicked screamed and yelled, but none of her efforts had any real effect.

She didn't see much more after that. Her vision became dark around the edges, making it hard to focus on anything but the impending blindness. She curled up in the fetal position, arms wrapping tightly around her middle, and waited for the assault of memories.

_The Batarian stands over her daddy's lifeless body snorting with laughter. Joss cannot see his face, but she imagines it to be smug and covered in the blood of the man who had loved and nurtured her._

_He nudges the corpse with his foot. "Dumb bastard, never stood a chance."_

_It's all Joss can do to keep from screaming. She clamps one hand tightly over her mouth, the other pulls her little sister Roxy close, burring the 12-year-old's face into her side. This is something that nobody should have to witness, but at 16 Joss feels as if she's better equipped than the preteen gripping at her shirt._

_From the left another set of feet appear. "You get everybody on this end?"_

"_Yeah, you?"_

"_I did. Took me awhile to take down his bitch. She was a fighter, I'll give her that. But, she found it a bit harder to resist after taking a clip to the face," the second man said with a cackle. Joss' face drains of all color. She can feel Roxy's grip on her tighten causing long nails to bite into her flesh, but the resulting pain is distant._

At least they didn't rape her, _she thinks to herself. She'd have to remember to point that out to her sister. A bit of a silver lining, a shitty one, but a lining nonetheless._

_The father-killer slaps the second man on the back, his grueling laughter joining the sick chorus. "Hell yeah it is. Did you see anything worth taking?"_

"_Nah, this place was a dump."_

"_Did you see either of the girls?"_

"_Nope. Probably ran."_

"_Damn." He crosses over to the bed that they're hiding under. Joss' hand slowly inches over to the knife that was present for just such a circumstance._

'Not a gun,' _daddy says,_ 'A gun will make too much noise. No, you'll want to take them down silently. Make sure you got a good grip on the knife, stab them in the foot to bring 'em down then go for a pair their eyes. A partially blinded Batarian is easier to kill.'

_She fully expects him to kneel down, but instead he stops at the makeshift nightstand. "From the looks of it they we're quite the beauties. Would've sold for a nice bit of creds."_

_She isn't sure which feeling is more prominent, the relief that they were not discovered or the anger at how these "men" were so blithely talking about a future that they'd already planned for them._

"_Yeah, it's a shame, no doubt about that. Oh well, let's get back to the group." The second pair of legs disappear through the door, but the first don't move an inch. "You coming Kar'resh?"_

_So the kin-slayer had a name._

_Kar'resh stood there a few agonizing seconds more. "Yeah," he said, drawing out the last vowel. She hears some clinking, then a thump as the empty metal square falls down just out of reach. "Yes, they are quite beautiful," he whispered, voice tinged with emotion that makes Joss' blood run cold._

It's the flashes of searing white pain just behind her eyes that pulled her from the horrid scene her mind insisted on playing. Like a rose with it's thorns, the migraines always came with the memories. Instead of fighting the pain, she welcomed it. The key, she learned, is to work with the pain, resistance only served to make it worst.

The pain recedes, but she's isn't foolish enough to think that it's going to be merciful and leave completely. Instead she clenched her teeth in anticipation for the next round. Like clockwork it came fifteen seconds later, only this time it brought a wave of nausea along with it.

"Deep breaths," she mumbled to herself, "Deep breaths." Slowly, she sucked air in through her nose and pushed it out through her mouth. And, just as slowly, the pain began to fall into a manageable range, once again allowing her to see properly.

On shaky legs, she manages to stumble into the bathroom for the pills that would bring total relief. She shook two from the bottle and popped them into her mouth, not even bothering to chase them with water.

Clammy and exhausted from the ordeal that just took place, she laid her head against the cool floor and allowed a dreamless sleep to take her.


	8. Lazy Eye

**Characters**: Joker, Liara, Shep, with a lil Garrus and Tali action  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 731  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K  
><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Oh Joker, you silly goose...Not sure if it was a glitch on my laptop (totes a possibility considering how jacked up that thing is) or what, but in ME1 Miss T'Soni's right eye never quite opened all the way...

**Lazy Eye**

_Well this is awkward_, Joss Shepard thought to herself. With the _Normandy_ finally up and running she decided to round up the old crew and pay her Asari friend a visit. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that they were all sitting together in her quarters in a thoroughly awkward silence...not so much.

"Sooo Liara," Joker started, clearly no more comfortable with this silence than his CO, "I see you finally got that lazy eye taken care of."

Shepard slapped her palm to her forehead hard, Tail gasped, and Garrus cleared his throat loudly. This was not going to end well.

Liara tilted her head to the side in clear confusion. "I do not understand Joker. What is this 'lazy eye' that you speak of? Is this another one of your odd jokes?"

Joker started to open his mouth again, but Garrus cut him off much to Shepard and Tail's relief. "How are things going back at the Base?"

The Asari gave the pilot once last curious glance before responding to the question. "Things are going well, busy, but well. There is always much to do, information brokering is a business that never sleeps. I know that I will have a lot to catch up on when I return, but it is worth it to share a drink with friends."

"I here that!" Shepard agreed happily as she raised her glass in salute. The others followed suit and for a moment it almost seemed like thing were going to go smoothly.

Conversation flowed for awhile after that, each sharing memories of the SR1 and her crew, until Liara flubbed. When Tali asked the others what would be a good gift for Kal'Reeger's upcoming birthday the Asari gave her a list of suggestions based on his last ten purchases. Nothing kills the mood like knowing that your friend can have access to just about all of your comings and goings with just a few taps at her omni-tool.

With the room once again lapsing into a semi-uncomfortable silence, Shepard wondered to herself what could make the situation more awkward. _Perhaps if she were to read us some of our personal correspondences?_

"You _cannot_ tell me that you didn't have corrective surgery on that eye!"

_Or Joker could open his stupid, stupid mouth again._

A groan went up in protest from his three shipmates and Liara just glared.

"_Excuse_ _me_?" she said, voice tight, "What _are_ you talking about?"

"Your right eye!" he said, pointing for emphasis. "I swear back on the old _Normandy_ that that eye would _never_ open fully. It was like it was permanently mid-twitch." He looked to the others for support, but found that they were all making a point of busying themselves with their drinks.

Cornflower eyes pinned him down with an indignant stare. "I do not know what you are referring to Joker. My eye is and always has been in perfect working order."

"Look, T'Soni, if you had some work done..."

"I _have not_ had any 'work done' Mr. Moreau," her voice was all steel now, "And I would appreciate it if you would stop insinuating such." Shepard could feeling the crackle of biotic energy coursing through the air, a subconscious response to the Asari's growing annoyance.

Joker, seeing the faint outline of blue pulsating around her, put his hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright, my mistake. Forget I said anything." Liara gave him a curt nod before look down into her own glass, the energy ebbing away leaving traces of ozone in the air.

Tension was think in the air at that point and it had Shepard trying to figure out a way to flee the scene without looking like she was trying to escape.

_It would be so much easier to get away if this wasn't _my_ room. Ugh, where is a giant genocidal ship when you need one?_

Sadly no Reaper showed and the silence stretched on yet again. Just as Shepard was about to ask Garrus about his calibrations just to give them something, _anything_, else to focus on Joker opened his mouth. Again.

"Hey Liara...have you embraced eternity lately?"

Shepard stifled a moan as pinched the bridge of her nose.

_This is gonna be a long night._


	9. RE: About Horizon

**Characters**: Shepard & Alenko  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 457  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I loved Kaidan in the first Mass Effect and it annoyed me to no end that they made him such a horrid little being in the second one, hopefully he redeems himself in the third (and if not they I hope they at least give me the option to kick his ass lol) Anywho, I always thought that his grand display of douchery and even crappier attempt at an apoplgy deserved a reply. Here's what my Shepard would've said...

**RE: About Horizon...**

**-Paragon Reply-**

_Kaidan,_

_I'm not really sure if you were expecting a reply to this message or not, but I just wanted to let you know that it's okay...ish... I know that it's been two years for you Kaidan, but for me it's been more like two hours. One minute I'm struggling for air in a vacuum and the next I'm waking up to a pissy chick with an Australian accent yelling at me to get my ass in gear before I get gunned down by some mechs. And then to find out in the end that it was all Cerberus' doing? Not the most fortuitous situation I've ever found myself in._

"_The enemy of my enemy is my friend." I tell myself that every morning before I get out of bed. Of course I still don't believe me yet._

_I realize that this all must be difficult to comprehend. I also realize that the past two years must have been hard on you. I'm sorry for that. And I'm sorry for not contacting you sooner (Really Anderson should be apologizing for this one. Can we say "_stonewalled?_"). What I won't apologize for is my association with Cerberus. Yes, I know about their reputation and no, I'm not foolish enough to trust them completely. I've managed to look past their shady doings to see the bigger picture and you need to do the same. Now you have first-hand knowledge of the devastation the Collectors are capable of. _

_Half of the colony, gone, just gone...and there was nothing I could do to save them. This thing is bigger than us, Cerberus, the Consul, and the Alliance._

_I don't know what the Collectors are trying to accomplish by abducting our colonies, but I do know that they are tied to the Reapers. Cerberus is the only group that's taking the fight to them, and I plan on being on the front lines. I'd love for you to be standing by my side when that happens, but I know that you'll never work with them. I can respect that. I just hope that you can return that respect when considering my decision._

_I'm still the woman you remember Kaidan. The only thing about me that's changed since working for Cerberus is these new found biotic powers. Well that and my hair style. I mean really, couldn't they have kept it trimmed while they were rebuilding me? But in all seriousness, I won't let this change me. I hope that you of all people can believe that._

_Stay safe and maybe, hopefully, we can talk face to face when all of this is over._

_-Joss_

**-Renegade Reply-**

_Alenko,_

_Go fuck yourself._

_-Joss_


	10. Nightmares

**Characters**: Shepard with some Kaidan action, & just a dash of Miranda  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 615  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Dreams sometimes suck, but reality it turns out, can suck a lot harder...

**Nightmares**

_He comes closer, allowing Shepard to take in his scent. It's both spicy and sweet at once, making the Commander take deep breath as she unconsciously steps forward."The galaxy will just keep going. Everything, even the Reapers will come around again, but you and I...we are important right now. This is what will never happen again. Us. Joss, you make me feel," he sighs slightly, "Human."_

_A shudder runs though her body as she closes the last of the distance between them. "Bunk here tonight Kaidan," the words leave her mouth in an almost purr._

_His lips quirk up slightly. "Is that an order, Commander?" he asks, his accent heavy on the last word._

"_Kaidan you make me feel like I can take on the universe," she lets out a uncharacteristic little giggle, "And right now I kinda have to."_

_That gets him to smile a bit."This can't change anything Shepard. This is a good crew, the finest I've served with. I don't want to mess it up," he says, bedroom eyes, negating the seriousness meant to be conveyed though his words._

_She rolls her eyes then pulls him into a passionate kiss. His strong arms snake around her body as her hands go up into his dark hair. "Kaidan," she moans softly while his lips travel down to her neck. She feels him smirk into the skin there before being lifted off of her feet. They both laugh as he playfully tosses her onto the bed. He peels off his shirt, smirk still plastered on his perfect face, then crawls on top of her. His lips return to hers with a new intensity and she allows her mind to become blank, focusing only on the feeling._

_As one of his strong hands roams across her taught body, she opens her hazel eyes to look into his beautiful brown ones, but instead of the deep golden hue they're...yellow?_

_She blinks rapidly a few times, but the color doesn't change._

"_Is something wrong Joss?" he asks, lemon eyes looking worried._

_She shakes her head, running her hands down the lengths of his arms. His arms that now feel quite hard and overly-smooth._

_Her eyes look down to see a greyish-brown exoskeleton and claw-like hands clutching at her sides. "Get away from me!" she screeches, kicking him off._

_He stands up, looking hurt. "Shepard, are you-" His words are cut short by a violent shudder. A bright light shines through his eyes and open mouth. Cracks begin to form over his skin and she cringes as what's left of his human form explodes to reveal something she's only seen on the extranet: a Collector._

_His new insect-like body is pulled up into the air by some unseen force. He curls in on himself before a bight yellow light pushes itself through him, as one foreboding sentence rips though the air:_

_"ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL."_

* * *

><p>"Shepard, do you hear me? Get out of bed now- this facility is under attack," an accented voice screamed over an unseen intercom.<p>

The Commander snapped her eyes open and instantly regretted it when the bright lights assaulted her eyes. Every part of her body felt raw and achy as she brought a stiff hand up to massage her jaw.

"Shepard, I know that your scars aren't fully healed, but I need you to get moving. This facility is under attack."

_There goes that voice again_, Shepard's thoughts had an irritated undertone as she opened her eyes again, slowly this time, and took in her surroundings: bright, white, defiantly on fire but otherwise overly sterile, and is that a _Cerberus_ logo?

_What the hell is going on?_


	11. Kick Harder

**Characters**: Shepard & Tali with a little angry Joker lol  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 739  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T  
><strong>Author's Note:<strong> I wanted to get something up earlier but between studying and my bf bitching about cutting the tip of his finger off I've not had much time to write. I swear he is such a baby! It was just the tip...haha, jk. Anywho! It seems as if Shepard shares my theories on repairs...

**Kick Harder**

It had been a few days since Shepard and her crew had destroyed the Collector Base. Everybody made it out mostly unscathed, but the _Normandy_ had taken quite the beating. Which was why they currently found themselves docked at Omega. Nobody was happy about being on the seedy asteroid, but with the ship being in such bad shape they were left with little choice. Aria seemed to be pleasantly surprised that they actually returned and granted them a measure of security (not that it was really needed, nobody seemed too eager to mess with the Specter that had taken on a race that was only a rumor and won) while they got the ship up and running. Shepard wasn't dumb enough to take Aria's apparent kindness at face value, but she wasn't one to look a gift Asari in the mouth...though she wouldn't hesitate to stab said Asari in the heart if she was foolish enough to cross her.

Shepard limped about her ship to oversee the repairs as well as to lend a hand when needed. Everybody was still shaken up mentally as well as physically, but they threw themselves into their work. Rather this was due to wanting to get off of the hope-forsaken rock or so that they didn't have to think about their experience on the Base their CO couldn't say.

By the time she worked her way down to the engineering level it was well past noon and most of the crew was taking a well deserved break, all save for one. Joss weaved her way through the mess of wires, mostly broken beams, and tools until she was found the woman she was looking for.

"I see my favorite Quarian is still hard at work," she said with a chuckle as she kicked was looked like some sort of wrench towards Tali's groping hand.

"Oh, hi Shepard," Tali replied, not even looking up from the panel she was fervently working on. She tightened something then stood and began to fiddle with the keyboard. "Come on you little _bosh'tet_," she muttered to herself. The machine's swift rebuttal was a high pitched screech accompanied by a scrambled screen and a small plume of gray smoke. "Damn."

Joss laughed at her friend's mixture of profanities. "Maybe take a break?"

"I can't, not until I figure out what is wrong with this thing." Another puff of defiant smoke escaped much to Shepard's amusement. "I just don't get it! I've recoupled, tweaked, and reformatted it twice now! Why won't it work?" She received a whirling noise in reply. With a sigh, Tali brought her right hand up to rub at her shielded forehead in apparent annoyance. "_Keeeeelah_... Hmm, maybe there's an irregularity in on of the matrices?" another puff of smoke then, "Or a _few_. Maybe if I..."

Shepard drowned out the Quarian's tech-babble. _I'm just a simple farm girl, I don't know nothin' 'bout fixin' none of these here fancy do-hickies,_ she thought to herself with an eye roll.

"What do you think?" Tali asked, pulling the Commander's attention back to the present.

"Well Tali, I'm not the most technologically inclined person on this ship, but there is one thing that I find to be somewhat of a golden rule when it comes to these things." She crossed over to the side of the panel. "And that, my dear, is to kick it until it works." She took her booted foot to the metal earning a yelp from Tali and what almost sounded like a growl from the machine. "If it doesn't work then you're probably not kicking it hard enough." She kicked again, this time with more force. The screen flickered for a moment before going green across the board.

Tail looked from the screen to Shepard then back again. "I can't believe that that actually worked."

Shepard just smirked. "Yeah, but let's not tell Joker that I kicked his baby, ummkays?"

"_You did __what__?" _Joker's disembodied voice demanded.

"Let me guess: that panel controls the ships comm system?" Tali gave her a quick nod. "Lovely," Shepard sighed as Joker continued to rant.

"_First you drag her through the Omega 4 Relay where she gets shot to hell then you kick her? What is wrong with you woman? I swear... It's okay baby, she didn't mean it..."_


	12. Trippy

**Characters**: Shepard & Thane  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 1787 (I know this goes way past 1000 words, but meh)  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Frenching a Drell does have its side effects. A bit o' Shrios fluff ahead! Memories of Mindor too! You have been warned... XD Oh! I'd also like to say thanks to everybody who's favored/alerted/reviewed (special shout out to Fatalicious for leaving a review for just about every update!) You guys rock, so hard. Cookies all around!

**Trippy**

Joss' latest talk with Mordin was a bit more personal than usual. For some reason he felt the need to give her a inter-species sex talk. She gave a little shudder. It shouldn't have been awkward, Mordin was a doctor and he was giving out medical advice, but over the past few months she had began to think of him as a father figure of sorts.

You know, if her father was a forty-something Salarian badass.

He was as professional as possible, stating facts in a very dry, very clinical tone. That in itself would have been a comfort if not for the cheshire grin on his face. The Professor gave her a doggie bag of full of holopads, diagrams, and ointments that had the Commander rushing to her quarters with a paranoid glare and red cheeks.

"Well that was sufficiently awkward," Joss announced to Epic, her cinnamon colored space hamster. He cocked his little head at her in question. "Trust me, you _do not_ want to know. I wish that I didn't know!" Epic blinked at her a couple of times before curling up and going to sleep. She gave the hamster a loving stroke on its head before leaving him to his nap. No longer having him as a distraction brought her attention back to the white bag sitting in the chair at her desk. Ten different emotions ran through her, embarrassment and mortification being the most prominent, but in the end her curiosity got the better of her.

_Eh, what the hell?_ was her thought as she snatched the bag up, taking its spot in the chair. She pulled out one of the holopads and activated it, giving a conspiratorial glance as it booted up. _I swear if this is a subscription to __Fornax__..._

She was pleased to find that it wasn't a subscription to Fornax or any other magazine of that sort, but informative reading material. It gave the same information that the good doctor gave without the knowing smirk.

* * *

><p>Thirty minutes later Joss found herself standing behind Thane in the Life Support room. He appeared to be thinking deeply about something; rather it was his son, some vision of the past, meditation, or their up coming mission she could not say. She quietly leaned by the door until he was finished, glad to have the extra time to try and figure out a better way to pose her question.<p>

"Ah, Siha," he said with a smile as he crossed over to her, "Forgive me for not attending to you sooner." He reached up and tucked some hair behind her ear, letting his hand trail down and linger at the junction of her jaw and neck.

Joss shivered. "It's ahh, it's okay. I'm the one that intruded."

"I can assure you Siha, your presence is never an intrusion."

His deep timber washed over her and she had to resist the urge to grin like an idiot. She opted for taking his hand which was now idly tracing the outline of her jaw. "Well that's good to know," her voice came out in an almost purr that had her fighting back a blush, "Especially considering the fact that I have a request."

His lips pulled up into a small smile. "You need only ask."

The confidence that randomly reared its head just seconds earlier vanished, leaving her with a dry mouth. _Well, here goes nothing._ "I-need-you-to-kiss-me," she blurted out. Thane blinked at her a few times, face blank. "I know it's a weird thing to ask, but I talked to Mordin and he gave me this thing to read and-"

Her words were cut short by the gentle pressure of Thane's lips on her own. She waited for giant pink elephants to appear, or dancing Turians, or _something_. But nothing happened, there's just the feeling of his arms around her waist and his lips pressed to hers, not that that is anything to complain about.

"I must confess, I have been wanting to do that for some time now," Thane said once they broke apart for air.

"Mmmm," was her brilliant reply. He let out a throaty chuckle and Joss found herself biting her bottom lip at the sumptuous sound. And that's when it happened. It was no more than a flash, but she was sure that she saw herself standing up on a stool in the kitchen next to her mom as she rolled out dough for cookies.

"Siha?"

"Kiss me again," she murmured as she wound her arms around his neck. He complied without hesitation. This time was insistent, but still just as soft as the one before. After a moment she felt his tongue seeking entrance which she gladly yielded to him. With a sigh he swept into her mouth, and began exploring. Joss' knees went weak. He tasted like the rain in the spring...the gentle breeze of the fall...the sweet, natural sent of flax growing in the fields...he tasted like everything she missed about home.

Suddenly she felt her world start to tilt on its axis. Everything began to fade to black before bursting back into color.

* * *

><p><em>She's no longer in life support on the SR-2, she's back on Mindoir. <span>Mindoir<span>! It's their first successful harvest and everybody is celebrating. The air is heavy with the smell of fireworks and roasting meats. The adults are milling about, reveling in their success, while their children run about playing, giddy at the thought of being up way past their bedtime. Music can be heard drifting from behind the silos which is where Joss sees herself in all of her four-year-old glory._

_Her two front teeth are missing (one fell out on its own, the other one was lost a few days later in a fight against Jake Hammond for making fun of the first missing tooth) and her pigtails are windswept, but she doesn't care about either as her Daddy spins her around the makeshift dance floor._

_There are other people there, people that she knew long ago, but her eyes don't linger on their faces. Instead they're drawn to the lithe lady watching the festivities from the sidelines. She glows beautifully under the moon's light, something that is accentuated by the radiance that only comes with pregnancy. Her long black hair is free of its usual bun, gently cradling her dark brown face and its dainty features. Her mahogany eyes glitter with amusement as she claps to the beat set by the band. Joss' younger self sees her too, and she pulls her Daddy over to the woman._

"_Dance with us Mama!" she yells as she runs up and hugs her, careful not to put too much pressure on her stomach._

_Her Mama gives her a sheepish smile. "I can't go out there baby, I'm a bit too pregnant," she says, placing a hand on top of her protruding belly._

_Joss Shepard, never one to take no for an answer now and apparently not then either, looks from the dancers to her mama and then back again, eyebrows drawn together in concentration. "Well then," she says with all the enthusiasm that only a child can muster, "We'll bring the dancing to you!" Daddy throws his head back in laughter and Mama just smiles as their little girl takes their hands in hers and begins to lead them in a dance all of her own._

* * *

><p>And just as soon as the memory started, it was over. Joss looked around, dazed. There's no more grass or music or milky purple sky, only cold white metal, harsh lighting, and the smell of something familiar. That smell, a mixture of leather, gun polish, and something that is distinctly <em>him<em>, was enough to pull her out of the trance-like state.

"Siha, are you well?" the Drell asked, voice worried.

She blinked hard. His voice was close, _really_ close. Joss looked around again and found that she was no longer standing near the wall by the door, but seated on his cot...or to be more specific, _he_ was seated on his cot, _she_ was on his _lap_.

This realization made her let out an uncharacteristic giggle which furthered his concern. "I'm fine, really," she quickly blurted out, "I just...well I think I just experienced those 'mild hallucinations' that Mordin mentioned."

Thane's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "'Mild hallucinations,'" he echoed, a minute trace of horror lacing his voice. "I am sorry, I didn't even consider- I didn't even _know_..."

"Relax," Joss said, running a comforting hand over his neck frills. His hitched breathing at her motions wasn't lost on her, but she had to focus on easing his mind before she could even begin to dwell on that. "It wasn't bad, it was good actually. Better than the things I usually remember about the colony."

His body, which had began to relax under her ministrations, went rigid once more. "You hallucinated about _Mindoir_?"

_Oh God, I'm making this worst!_ "I did, but it's okay! It was a _good _hallucination_. _And no, I am not saying this just to make you feel better," she said cutting off his protests. "I think it triggers memories of when I was the most content in my life."

His larger eyes searched her smaller ones, looking for any sign of dishonesty. "I see," he said finally. "Would you mind telling me what you saw?"

Joss' lips quirked up into a small smile. "It was of me and my parents celebrating the harvest, the first one of the colony in fact. It was the night Roxy was born actually."

Thane sat there in silence, a contemplative look on his face. "So," he said after a moment, "If I do this," he placed a soft kiss on her lips. "Does it affect you?"

"It doesn't give me hallucinations if that's what you're asking," she responded, a little breathless.

He smirked. "Ummhmm." The rumble of his voice mixed with the look in his eye had Joss' heart beating at twice its normal rate. "And what about this?" He tilted her head to the side, kissing her deep and slow. She felt his tongue flick hers and for a brief moment she was back on Mindor, this time peering into the crib at the baby that lay in a peaceful slumber. Before her mind could fully latch onto the image it receded.

Joss looked into Thane's eyes yet again, mind slightly muddled, and ghosted her lips across his. "Trippy," she breathed before pulling him into another kiss.*

***A/N:** I just want it to be said that Shepard isn't using Thane to chase after lost memories, she's just trying to get use his effect on her. The way I see it is if she keeps kissing him eventually she'll stop hallucinating. It just wouldn't do to be in the middle of their sexy time before going to the base and have her thinking about Mindoir, or worse, Kaidan hahaha. I don't know if that's how it came off, so I just wanted to clarify it.


	13. Part Monster Syndrome

****Characters****: Garrus and the ladies of the SR-2 (the rest of the guys are hiding lol)  
><strong><strong>Word Count<strong>**: 926  
><strong><strong>Rating<strong>**: T (for language)  
><strong><strong>Author's Note<strong>****:** Well, well look who's back! Bah, I had a lot of effed up ish happen this last month or so. Haven't really been in the mood to write anything. But now school is back in session and that means that I must write just to keep my sanity lol. Anyways! Cerberus gets a bad shipment of hormone control pills. Turian traumatization ensues... (had to repost, FF was being weird :/)

***Special shout out to Sathaeri (4 reviews in 1? You're supertastic.), RayneEthelwulf, and of course Fatalicious (btw, what is that in your profile pic? I've always wondered lol) And to anyone who has faved/subscribed thanks much! Have a cookie, you all deserve one.***

**PMS: Part Monster Syndrome**

Garrus found a most peculiar sight upon entering the armory; Jacob, Joker, and Ken Donnelly all huddled together in the back corner.

"Uhh, is this some human thing or should I come back later?" the Turian asked, amusement clear in his tone.

"I guess you could call this 'a human thing'-" Jacob began.

"Pffh, as if you could even call them 'human' right now," Joker mumbled.

The red head nodded his agreement. "I think 'psychos' is a bit closer to the mark."

"Right," Jacob continued, "But if you want to live you might want to stay here."

"What are you talking about?" Garrus asked, starting to worry.

"It's the women man!" Donnelly said loudly, waving his arms about. "The river is running red and they've all gone mad!"

"River? What river?"

"You know," Joker said adjusting his hat, "_the river_." Garrus continued to stare blankly at him. "Aunt Flo is visiting? Their taking Carrie to prom? It's shark week? That time of the month? Any of this ringing a bell?"

Garrus gave the two men odd looks before turning to Jacob, the only apparent sane person in the room, for clarification.

"It's ahh, something that happens to women... you know, once a month for uhh, reproductive means..." he trailed off.

Garrus continued to stare.

The built man rubbed the back of his neck, uncomfortable with having to be the one to explain. "All I know is that it makes them moody for about a week then everything goes back to normal."

Garrus stared at him some more, his mandibles flaring out in amusement.

"Look man," Jacob crossed his arms and scowled, "if you want to know the specifics then go ask Mordin."

"Would be happy to explain to you Garrus, if you are really curious," the aforementioned Salarian said as he appeared to their left. "Although I will say that you may never look at human women the same. Things known can never be unknown." A slight shiver ran through his slender form.

"Riiiight. Well, I think I'll pass. I just came up here for a can of gun polish, I'm out." The Turian grabbed a can, gave them all strange looks, then headed back to his calibrations.

* * *

><p>"The coffee's gone! Why is all the coffee gone? Did you drink the last of it?" Garrus peeked around the corner to see Miranda shaking the empty pot accusingly at Jack.<p>

"The fuck you gonna do about it if I did?" Jack growled from one of the tables.

"'The fuck I'm gonna do about it?'" Miranda repeated, setting the pot on the counter with a thud, "I'm going to beat your bloody head in you stupid little wretch!"

"I'd like to see you try bitch!" The second biotic stalked towards her, fists glowing blue.

"Will you two both shut up!" The harsh voice of the _Normandy's_ usually chipper yeoman stopped both women in their tracks. "I have a headache and I don't want to hear shit else about coffee!" she hissed as she pushed past them and grabbed a mug.

"Oddly enough I agree with the wacko," Gabby mumbled as she sipped on what smelled like coco.

Kelly whirled around and gave the other woman a death glare. "Who the hell are you calling a 'wacko' you-you grease monkey!" she sputtered.

_I guess this is what they were going on about, _Garrus thought, looking on in mild amusement as all four women began to scream threats at each other.

"Fuckin' idiots, can't they all just shut up or die or something?" The Turian looked behind him to find Kasumi all wrapped up in a thick, pink blanket. She grumbled a long string of foreign words that his translator didn't pick up on as she flicked out of sight. Cabinets opened seemingly by themselves and a few moments later a floating jar of marshmallow fluff and a box of gram crackers floated back to the Port Observation deck.

The yelling reached new heights as Garrus contined to watch. The whole thing was like watching a shipwreck; he knew that he should turn away and run to get help, but he just couldn't stop staring. It was only when Jack and Miranda's combined biotic discharge started to make dishes and silverware float did he decided that it would be in his best interest move on.

Moving very slowly so as not to draw any unwanted attention (or flung dishware), he moved back towards the elevator and pushed the call button, thanking the spirits that Turian women didn't experience anything like what he just witnessed. When the doors finally opened, Garrus collided with a very puffy, very pissed off version of Shepard.

"Neyaaaaaaaah!" she groaned, grabbing tightly at her lower stomach. "Dammit Garrus!"

"Shepard I'm so sor-"

She put up a hand to stop him. "Just move," she growled, honey brown eyes shining with a promise of violence if he didn't comply.

Holding his hand up in placation, he slid to the side and allowed her to pass. He watched as her hunched over form shuffled towards the mess area, her figure lost under the oversized tee and sweat pants she donned.

"You people need to calm down! Seriously." Garrus couldn't help but to smile, Shepard might be, what did Joker call it? Taking Carrie to prom? But she didn't let it affect her like the rest of them.

"Who took my fuckin' 'mallow fluff!"

Or maybe she did.

With that Garrus ran into the elevator, sense of self-preservation urging him to get as far away from the scene as possible.

***A/N**: This one may not be that great, like I said I haven't written anything in awhile, but hopefully you giggled a bit (or cringed with a long buried memory lol) And yes, I know that not all women get all nutty, but how would it be funny if they all just sat around in sweats curled up in balls and silently lothing the world with chocolate as their only friend? Plus this was inspired by something that actually happened to me last school year. My _whole_ wing got into it about something totally random, scaring off the poor janitor. Nothing scarier than 27 girls all PMSing at each other haha...


	14. Sharks

**Characters**: Shepard & Grunt  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 313  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Two posts in two days? Whhhhha? Lol, let's call this me making up for being all MIA. Anywho! Am I the only one who finds Grunt utterly adorable? This was inspired by the Shadow Broker's Dossier on Grunt's recent terminal activity...

***Thanks to sherryatom (3 reviews? I'm flattered ^.^) and the ever lovely Fatalicious for their reviews.***

**Sharks**

"So you don't have any eating a human or another fish or anything?"

The familiar rumble stopped Shepard dead in her tracks. _That __cannot__ be who I think it is,_ she thought as she walked into the Citadel's toy store towards its source. _Well son of a mother, it is._ A smirk graced her full lips as she stopped behind the hulking Krogan.

"Umm, no sir," the paling store clerk squeaked, "I don't think that we carry anything like that."

"Well why not? Don't sharks eat people?" Grunt asked, waving his stump like arms, further scaring the poor girl.

"Grunt," Shepard said, resisting the urge to laugh.

The Krogan turned to face her, giving the girl time to flee. "Battlemaster."

"What did I tell you about intimidating the general populace?"

"I wasn't _trying_ to intimidate anyone. It isn't my fault that the females of your species are so _weak_," he sneered. "Well besides you. And Jack. And Miranda I guess," he added as an afterthought.

That made her chuckle. "Right. Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"I was trying to find a model of a shark eating something, _anything_, but all this store has are these squishy things," he explained, voice disappointed as he flung the shark plushy across the store taking out a display in the process.

His Battlemaster smiled at him. When he acted like this it was easy for her to forget that he was a Krogan killing machine. "Hmm, well let's see if we can find a better shark and we'll get some fake blood and a Ken doll and we'll see what we can do, hmm?"

Grunt's eyes lit up. "Can we make it look like it's ripping his leg off?"

Shepard nodded with a laugh as she led the Krogan to the Barbie aisle.


	15. Action Figure

**Characters**: Joker, some Garrus, and Shep  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 332  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K+  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Kaidan (with a pouty face): "Why do you get your own action figure? I helped to kill Saren too!" Shep (with a raised eyebrow): "Really Alenko? Really?"

***Hugs and cookies to RayneEthelwulf (I love child-like Grunt too!), Janizary (I'm glad you like it! And you also have an awesome profile pic lol), the always awesome Fatalicious (I can see your point about the Miranda thing. And as for the pic, ahh well, guess I'll have to use my imigination then haha), and RevealedGrace (I'm glad you're enjoying my writing! I shall write as long as people want to read it). Now onwards!***

**Action Figure**

"'Joss Shepard: The N-7 Edition?' The hell is this?" Joker picked up the action figure with a look of combined horror and amusement. "'The hero of the Skyllian Blitz. The Savior of the Citadel. She's traveled all over the Citadel space and beyond and now she can be right in you hands! Fully equipped with a Specter grade shotgun and custom N-7 armor, Commander Shepard is ready to take on anything the universe (or your imagination) can dish out. What adventures will _your_ Shepard get into?'" Joker shook his head with a laugh.

_I wonder how the Commander's gonna feel about this,_ he thought as he grabbed three off of the shelf and headed up to the counter.

* * *

><p>"Back you evil Cerberus clone!"<p>

"I'm no clone! You're the clone! Pew-pew-pew!"

_What the hell am I walking in on?_ Joss thought to herself as she approached the cockpit. She'd given her crew shore leave of which they all jumped at except for Joker and Garrus apparently.

"Umm, guys, what are you doing?" she asked with an upturned eyebrow.

"Just playing with these action figures that Joker picked up," Garrus replied, giving her a grin.

"Yeah Commander, they are _amazing_," her pilot chimed in. "And, because I'm all thoughtful and junk, I even picked one up just for you."

She easily caught the box he tossed her and began to scan over its contents. "'Joss Shepard: The N-7 Edition. Now with rogue Specter killing action,'" she read in a monotone. She pulled the action figure out of the box and stared at it through slitted eyes.

_Okay, not the reaction I was expecting, _Joker thought nervously, _Maybe Cerberus forgot to instill her weird sense of humor when they put her back together?_

"This. Is. So. Awesome!"

_Or not, _Joker thought with a sigh of relief.

"It looks just like me, right down to the armor and the shotgun!"

"And if you think that's cool, wait to you check out this rogue specter killing action..."*

***A/N:** Ain't it just lovely how toys can bring people together? I doubt that Joker would voluntarily spend too much time with Garrus, but hey! Stranger things, right? Besides, who else could get away with calling Shep an 'evil Cerberus clone?'


	16. The Mass Effect Alphabet

****Characters****: Errrm...The Mass Effect Universe?  
><strong><strong>Word Count<strong>**: 304  
><strong><strong>Rating<strong>**: K+  
><strong><strong>Author's Note<strong>****:** Kay! So I had some free time due to a class being cancelled so I went ahead and whipped this up. It was inspired by JayRain's story _The Dragon Age Alphabet _(which you should totes go read if you haven't already).

***Special thanks to: Darth-Acheron47 (I'm glad you're enjoying this! And in my head my Shep was in full on tweak-mode when she found out she had her own VI, she just had to rein it in b/c of the whole "my son's trying to be a hitman, not cool." thing), the super cool Janizary (Yeah I did. Welp! That just means Shep is going to have to write a letter to the company asking for her cut lol. That'll most likely be seen in the next couple of chapters), the ever lovely RayneEthelwulf (We thought about allowing EDI to take pics, but now that she's unshackled she'd probably just take a bunch of them of Joker doing something embarrassing and use them for blackmail and he'd get all pissy and it just wouldn't end well haha...), Whatshisface v.2 (That would be so funny, I can see Joker being all "Maker Nooo!" over the model ship lol), and of course the always awesome Fatalicious (hahaha indeed my friend, hahaha indeed). And to any who faved/subbed. Hugs and kittens (or puppies if that's your thing) all around!***

**The Mass Effect Alphabet**

A is for Ashley Williams, a bit of an alien hater;

B is for the Blue Suns, now ran by a traitor.

C is for Cerberus, who puts humans first;

D is for Drells, who remember everything but their birth.

E is for Elcor, putting on Shakespearean plays;

F is for Feros and rescuing its colonists from a daze.

G is for Garrus Vakarian, doing calibrations at his console;

H is for Harbinger, who assumes direct control.

I is for Illium, where anything can be bought for the right price;

J is for Jacob Taylor, the futuristic spokesman for Old Spice.

K is for Kaidan Alenko, attendee of Brain Camp;

L is for Legion, who's head Joker tried to use as a lamp.*****

M is for Mordin Solus: Salarian badass;

N is for the _Normandy_, which first exploded, and later crashed.

O is for the Omega 4 Relay, gateway to the Collector's domain;

P is for the Protheans who leave pictures in your brain.

Q is for Quasar a game found only at Flux;

R is for Reapers, wanting to annihilate all of us.

S is for Shepard, Spectre extraordinaire;

T is for Tali'Zorah, under who's mask we wonder what's there.

U is for Urdnot Wrex, inquiring who will win in a fight;

V is for Vanguards aglow with biotic light.

W is for Warden Kuril, who tries to enslave you, but can't;

X is for the Xeltan, the Elcor diplomat.

Y is for Yunthrol, where you find a medallion once lost;

Z is for Zaeed Massani, doing things like a boss.

And that's the alphabet as told by Mass Effect,

a game where you play as Shepard, the Commander resurrect.

It might seem easy at first, but I have to tell ya,

that playing without great skill can result in critical mission failure.

***Yeah, that's defo going to be one of my next drabbles haha.**


	17. Rest Now

****Characters****: Talitha & Shepard  
><strong><strong>Word Count<strong>**: 500  
><strong><strong>Rating<strong>**: K+  
><strong><strong>Author's Note<strong>****:** Well everything has been all lulz and giggles for the past four chapters or so, time to get back to the drama! This time around it will be from Talitha's POV (Remember her? You'll only see her in ME1 and only if you pick the Colonial background.) But worry not! It ends on a good note :]

***Thank-yous to RayneEthelwulf (Haha, hopefully they'd at least let you continue to write reviews if nothing else :p), Janizary (Wrex ate a cat? How did I miss that little tidbit? Lol. And does this mean that I won't be getting a froggy? Immy is confused! Haha), tattoodaffodil (Well thank ya ^.^), and Fatalicious (I tried to make it rhyme and be funny and I guess it worked lol. I wonder if it can be sung to the actual ABC tune lol). As well as to the favers/follwers. Thanks a bunch, I heart you all.***

**Rest Now**

She looks at the woman in the strange armor, so different from that of the Masters. Shepard talks to her like she's somebody, an actual _person_, not like the animal she really is.

Questions. Shepard asks her so many questions. Makes her remember. She doesn't want to remember.

Remembering only brings the pain.

Remembering makes the salty water fall from her eyes.

Remembering makes it real.

She doesn't want to remember.

But it's too late for that. She already remembers. The other animals have seen her, this is already real.

But it can't be! This can't happen to her! It doesn't! It happens to some other girl, a dirty girl, a girl who deserves it.

One who deserves the pain.

One who deserves to be violated.

One who deserves the hate.

Surely it can't have happened to her, she's a _good girl_, and things like that don't happen to good girls.

But this is real, it's _her_ reality, not the other girl's.

Shepard is here, standing in front of her, telling her that she too was there. That she lost her family, her friends, her childhood. Everything from her past is gone too, but she stands tall. Her back isn't covered in scars given by the Masters, her shoulders don't hunch inwards with fear. She stands up, brave and whole.

And then Shepard's telling her that she use to be like her, sad and broken, but she pressed forward. She stands up, so proud and so tall.

She wishes she could stand up.

Shepard moves forward again then, close enough that she can catch her sent, all metal and sweetness and everything that's good in the universe. She's close, too close. She can't let Shepard touch her! She's dirty, unclean. To let her touch her, to let her catch it, her filth...she couldn't bare it.

But Shepard moves forward anyway, offering her a sleeping pill and a promise of help. She looks at the pill, it all seems too good to be true, but she needs this, needs to believe even if it's all a lie. So she takes it, placing all her faith in the caramel skinned woman who gathers her into her arms, willingly soiling herself. She tells her that she'll dream of a warm place, and that when she wakes up she'll be there. And she believes her, because she wants to, because she knows that the woman radiating the same goodness that her Mommy use to would never lie to her.

She tries to speak, but her mouth seems to be one of the first things affected by the pill. Still she wills her voice to cooperate. "It hurts when she," _no, not 'she' any longer_ "when _I_ remember me," her voice drops down to a whisper. "But I want to remember."*

Her eyes grow heavy as the world slowly fades to black. "Rest now Talitha. Everything's going to be okay," are the last words she hears before sleep finally takes her.

***A/N: **I'm aware of the fact that she actually says "But she want's to remember," but I worked better imo and since it's my drabble I'm just gonna take that little liberty lol. Anywho! Next chapter will be happy/funny times! Well I'm off to troll as the good Commander on omegle, teehee.


	18. Autotuned

****Characters****: Tali, Joker, EDI, & Shepard  
><strong><strong>Word Count<strong>**: 403  
><strong><strong>Rating<strong>**: K+  
><strong><strong>Author's Note<strong>****:** If this chapter is kinda sucky I apologize, for I am currently on a good ole cold medicine high haha. Anyways! This was inspired by a conversation I had this morning with a friend who really thinks that Tali sounds auto-tuned. I don't hear it, but hey, whateves lol...

***Big hearts to Janizary (Idk if it was a challenge or not tbh. I just wanted to write about something sad from ME1 and that was the first thing I thought of lol. And thanks ^.^...Annnd I shall have to look up some Wrex vs. Cat hehe), RayneEthelwulf (Glad to know I wasn't the only one who got misty eyed during that scene), RevealedGrace (Why thank you, I'm glad you like them! And I so would too lol), and Fatalicious (That it can...). You faved/subbed? You get hearts too. Now, onwards!***

****Auto-tuned****

"Hey Tali, can you do me a favor?"

The Quarian looked up from the omni-tool she was fiddling with. "Sure Shepard, what did you need?"

Joss handed her a datapad. "Could you uhh, could you read this for me? Out loud."

"Errrm, sure, I guess." Tali cocked an unseen eyebrow then began. "'Ima buy you a drank, ooh-whoa-ooo, Ima take you home with me. I got money in the bank, shawty what you think 'bout that? Find me in the gray Cadillac.'"

"...snerk..."

"_Bwahahaha!"_

"Is that Joker? Wait, Shepard what the hell did you just have me read?"

"_Hey Commander, can you get her to say it again? A certain AI wasn't recording,"_ Joker's disembodied voice commented.

"_Recording things for the future humiliation of crewmates is hardly appropriate Jeff."_

"_What was the point of unshackling you if you're not going to help me blackmail people?"_

"_I was unshackled to help save the crew when-"_

"_I see you're still not familiar with the concept of a rhetorical question EDI."_

"_Shepard_," Tail growled, ignoring the argument between the pilot and AI.

"Hey, hey, calm down there Tal," Joss put her hands up in placation. "It was just a song, by T-Pain."

"T-who?"

"_T-Pain. He was like the god of auto-tune."_

"'Auto-tune?' What is- I don't even..."

"_Auto-tuning __is the act of blending sung pitches to the nearest true semitone,"_ EDI helpfully supplied.

"Okay, and what does that have to do with me?"

"_I believe that Jeff and the Commander are inferring that your mask makes your voice sound auto-tuned."_

"_Thanks a lot EDI. God, where's that stupid mute button..."_

"_Shepard_," Tali growled again, this time adding a glare that still managed to be scary beyond all reason despite the visor.

The biotic took a step back. "Hey, it was all in good fun, right?" The glare continued. "Umm, they say you torture the ones you love most..." Those glowing eyes seemed to bore into her soul. "I'm just going to go before I get a personal demonstration of Chiktikka's upgrades."*

Shepard made a hasty retreat, Tali's eyes staying on her the whole time. When the doors finally slid shut she turned back to the 'tool with a little chuckle. "Idiots. My idiots, but idiots none the less."

"_So..." _Joker started after a moment, _"You gonna say it again or not?"_

"I'd like to remind you of my shotgun Joker."

"_I'll take that as a 'no.'"_

***A/N: Thank you wikipedia! Without you I wouldn't know wtf auto-tuning really does or how to spell Chiktikka lol. This was really funny in my muddled, foggy mind, wonder if I'll feel the same once I stop feeling like I'm gonna tip over? Teehee...anywho! I hope ya'll have an awesome weekend. Toodles!**


	19. Reenactments

****Characters****: Grunt & Zaeed  
><strong><strong>Word Count<strong>**: 248  
><strong><strong>Rating<strong>**: T (just cause Zaeed has a bit of a potty mouth lol)  
><strong><strong>Author's Note<strong>****: What is this- I don't even...haha. ****Well this is to make up for the last chapter that was prolly not all that great. Happy to say I'm feeling much better now, hopefully it stays that way (I always seem to catch whatever is going around campus .) Inspired once again by the Shadow Broker's dossier on everybody's favorite prepubescent Krogan.**

*****Hugs and junk to Fatalicious (I don't care much for T-Pain myself, but when my friend said auto-tune naturally he was the first person I thought of lol) and Janizary (Knowing Tali, she prolly would and then run a search on barking spiders and then team up w/ EDI to exact her revenge lol). And to those who have faved/subbed the story, you get the hugs too! Now, onwards!*****

****Reenactments****

Zaeed lay on his bunk, mismatched eyes glaring at the ceiling as he listened to the thumping coming from the port cargo area. This had been going on for the past few hours and it was beginning to drive the old mercenary mad. Unable to take anymore of the insistent noises, he hopped up and started towards the source with assault rifle in hand. He would beat some sense into that kid if he had to.

"Bad enough I got Santiago's ugly mug haunting my dreams, I don't need a Krogan providing a goddamn soundtrack," he mumbled to himself as he stalked forward. "Oi, kid! What the hell are you doing...in...here?"

He could not be seeing what he thought he was seeing. He blinked, once, twice, and then a third time for good measure, but the scene before him didn't change.

Standing there, with upraised arms in the mist of a dozen broken model ships, stood Grunt. In one big meaty paw he held what looked to be a model of the old _Normandy_ with- was that an _action figure_ modeled after _Shepard_?- sitting atop it and in the other a replica of Sovereign.

"Massani," Grunt rumbled, not bothering to change his position.

"Grunt," the mercenary replied in kind before giving a quick nod and heading for the door. "Bloody kids," laughed as he headed back to his room.

"_You puny beings will all fall to the might of my Battlemaster! Pew-pew-pew!"_*

*****A/N: Now don't be fooled! Grunt was not playing with those toys -*ahem* excuse me models- he was simply reenacting the battle between Shepard and Sovereign. Hahaha...Bah! I heart child-like Grunt ^.^****


	20. The Universe is Just Awesome

****Characters******: Kaidan Alenko & The SR1 Crew  
><strong>****Word Count******: 1000  
><strong>****Rating******: K  
><strong>****Author's Note******: This was inspired by my roommie's bf singing "The World is Just Awesome" (you know, the song from the old Discovery Channel commercials? No? Linkage! http:/ youtu .be/at_f98qOGY0 sans the spaces of course) when we all studying yesterday. Written in play format (or as close as I can remember how lol) because it was easier that way.**

*****Thank-a-yous to: RayneEthelwulfe (Sure can't! That tank held poor Grunt back lol, but Mama Shepard is very proud of her big tank-bred boy...errm Kroagan. And! *gives you a big hug* You're awesome, don't ever change teehee) & Fatalicious (Yeah, he can't be killing stuff all the time lol. And Eek! It's in bold? How did that happen. Ima go fix that lol. Thanks for the heads up! Annnd! *huggy-hug-hug* because you too are awesome lol) If you faved/subbed I give you my thanks as well ^.^ Now, onwards!*****

****The Universe is Just Awesome****

SCENE: _The Normandy SR-1 Cockpit. JOKER is seen sitting in his usual spot as he flies the Normandy towards the Argos Rho cluster. LIEUTENANT ALENKO is seated in the copilot's seat, rubbing his head in small, soothing circles. Enter Commander Shepard, who comes to stand behind JOKER's seat. They all stare out at the beautiful gas clouds that make up the cluster. _

COMMANDER SHEPARD [with a dreamy sigh]: It never gets old, huh?

JOKER [with a wide grin]: Nope!

COMMANDER SHEPARD [perking up]: Kinda makes you want to...

JOKER [looking back at COMMANDER SHEPARD]: Break into song?

COMMANDER SHEPARD [grinning down at JOKER]: Yup!

LIEUTENANT ALENKO [with a horrified expression]: What? No!

JOKER [ignoring LIEUTENANT ALENKO's outburst]: _I love the Normandy, I love space's great expanse..._

LIEUTENANT ALENKO [with a very confused/concerned look on his face]: Commander?

COMMANDER SHEPARD [also ignoring LIEUTENANT ALENKO]: _I love Elcor's funny way of talk..._

JOKER [with a pervy face]: _I love watching Asari dance..._

[LIEUTENANT ALENKO slowly begins to backs out of the room and towards the CIC]

COMMANDER SHEPARD: _I love the whole universe..._

JOKER: _And all its sights and sounds..._

THE CREW [looking up from their work at LIEUTENANT ALENKO]: _Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da!_

[startled, LIEUTENANT ALENKO spins around and stares at THE CREW with a gaping mouth]

NAVIGATOR PRESSLY [gruffly]: _I love the Alliance..._

LIEUTENANT ALENKO [with wide eyes]: What the! No, you have got to be kidding me.

[LIEUTENANT ALENKO runs towards the stairs only to collide with CORPORAL JENKINS]

LIEUTENANT ALENKO [staring in disbelief]: Richard...but, you're...

CORPORAL JENKINS [ignoring LIEUTENANT ALENKO's frantic sputtering hops up]: _I love awesome biotic displays..._

[LIEUTENANT ALENKO shuffles backwards down the stairs right into the feet of CAPTAIN ANDERSON. CAPTAIN ANDERSON offers LIEUTENANT ALENKO a hand which he accepts]

LIEUTENANT ALENKO [trying to mask his horror]: Sir, there's something very strange going on...

CAPTAIN ANDERSON [ignoring LIEUTENANT ALENKO just as everybody else has been]: _I love London's rain..._

[LIEUTENANT ALENKO, seeing that no help is to be found there runs into the med-bay to find DOCTOR CHAKWAS]

LIEUTENANT ALENKO [bordering on frantic]: Doctor! I think something is wrong with the crew!

DOCTOR CHAKWAS [spinning away from her terminal towards LIEUTENANT ALENKO with a smile]: _I love romantic ways..._

[LIEUTENANT ALENKO grips his head in his hands. LIARA T'SONI peeks out from the storage room]

LIARA T'SONI [in a shy voice]: _I love the whole universe..._

[LIEUTENANT ALENKO shakes his head and walks back out of the med-bay. SPECTRE NIHLUS is standing right outside the door]

SPECTRE NIHLUS [flaring his mandibles in a Turian smile]: _And all its craziness..._

THE CREW [popping out from random places]: _Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da!_

[LIEUTENANT ALENKO pushes his way through THE CREW who's still singing onto the elevator. With shaking hands he hits the button for the engineering and storage level]

LIEUTENANT ALENKO [running his still shaking hands through his hair]: People are singing, I'm seeing dead men... Have I- have I finally cracked? [his voice rises in pitch] Is this what happens to all L2's?

[the doors of the elevator opens to reveal the deck in its usual state. With renewed hope LIEUTENANT ALENKO walks towards GUNNERY CHEIF WILLIAMS]

LIEUTENANT ALENKO [with a sigh of relief]: Oh thank God. Ash, I think something is wrong with the crew!

[GUNNERY CHEIF WILLIAMS looks up from the gun she's working on with concern]

LIEUTENANT ALENKO: They all keep singing about stuff they love! Maybe that Thorian plant thing infected them or something. Either way we gotta get them some help!

GUNNERY CHEIF WILLIAMS [placing a comforting hand on LIEUTENANT ALENKO's shoulder]: _I love the human race..._

LIEUTENANT ALENKO [face paling]: No...

[LIEUTENANT ALENKO stares at GUNNERY CHEIF WILLIAMS in disbelief as she gives him her creeper smile. Once again he finds himself backing slowly away from a crew member. He runs over to the Mako where GARRUS VAKARIAN AND URDNOT WREX are located]

URDNOT WREX [with folded arms and a death stare]: _I love putting boot to ass..._

GARRUS VAKARIAN [sliding from under the Mako]: _I love when there's no red tape..._

[LIEUTENANT ALENKO's eye begins to twitch at hearing URDNOT WREX sing. He runs into the core room, finding TALI'ZORAH and ENGINEER ADAMS]

LIEUTENANT ALENKO [flailing his arms about]: Are you going to sing too?

TALI'ZORAH [staring dreamly at the drive core]: _I love technology and calculating atomic mass..._

LIEUTENANT ALENKO [deadpan]: Of course you are...

ENGINEER ADAMS [throwing an arm around LIEUTENANT ALENKO's shoulders]: I love the whole universe, it's such a brilliant place...

LIEUTENANT ALENKO: Fuuuuuuu...!

[LIEUTENANT ALENKO runs back into the main part of the deck. Everybody on the Normandy has gathered together, holding hands in a circle]

EVERYBODY [swaying to some unheard music]: _Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da..._

LIEUTENANT ALENKO [dropping to his knees and pulling his hair with both hands]: IT'S A MADHOUSE! A MADHOOOOOUSE!

* * *

><p>"...a madhouse..."<p>

"LT! Snap out of it!" Ashley yelled as she slapped Kaidan.

Kaidan slowly came to. "Huuuh...wha?"

"Not exactly the way I would have went about it, but I can't argue with results," Doctor Chakwas mused with a frown.

Joss ignored them both as she made her way to Kaidan's side. "You okay?" Her words came out more affectionate than was appropriate, but at the moment she didn't care.

If Kaidan noticed her little slip-up he was too professional to show it. "I'm fine, ma'am. Kinda feel like my head has been put through a meat grinder, other than that everything's okay."

"Are you sure?" Chakwas asked as she started towards him. "You were moving around a lot in your sleep and mumbling some pretty nonsensical things-"

"I'm fine doctor, I promise." Kaidan put on his best smile and that seemed to be enough for the good doctor.

"Now what did we learn?" Ashley asked in a sing-song.

Kaidan grimaced. "If Wrex ever offers you something to drink, just. Say. No."

Ashley smirked. "Very good."*****

*****A/N: Did you know that Captain Anderson was born in London? Thank you, Mass Effect Wiki, for teaching me yet another random fact about the game. And I just had to throw that Planet of the Apes quote in at the end, it was just too fitting lol. Anyways! Actually there is no anyways this time oddly enough. So errrm... enjoy this bonus pic that I found on deviant art of Ashley's creeper smile (**http:/ tinyurl .com/3tyccmo**) and have a good rest of the week!****


	21. Royalties

****Characters****: Miranda & Shepard  
><strong><strong>Word Count<strong>**: 240  
><strong><strong>Rating<strong>**: K  
><strong><strong>Author's Note<strong>**: Shepard's business plan is a bit, _lacking_, to say the least...

***Love and kittens to all who have faved/subbed this random drabble fest! And extra-extraness tooooo:  
><strong>**RayneEthelwulf:** I had forgotten how much I loved those commercials until I started writing that chapter lol. And it would be so not okay to have people singing at you like that, poor Kaidan, smh haha.**  
>RevealedGrace:<strong> Glad you enjoyed it! And you'd think that Mr. Alenko would be smart enough to know that taking a drink from a Krogan is a no-no lol.**  
><strong>**Janizary****:** A snort-laugh? Awesome. Haha! And I know right? Ashley shouldn't smile, ever. I'm sorry that I've scarred your brain/eyes like that. :p**  
>Fatalicious:<strong> Glad ya liked it! Tbh, I'm not even sure if it even matches up perfectly to the song lol, so the melody in your head was probably a better fit.

****Royalties****

Joss Shepard looked up from her datapad expectantly at her XO. "So?"

"I'm sorry Shepard, there's nothing we can do about it." Miranda gave a sympathetic shrug as she looked over at the dejected woman sitting on her couch.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. When you signed that contract with the Alliance you basically gave them the right to your image. And whatever they decided to do with said image is totally legal."

The younger biotic ran a hand through her cropped hair. "I knew being their poster girl would comeback and bite me in the butt one day." Joss let out a deep sigh as she rose from the couch and headed for the door. "Well thanks anyway Miranda."

"Of course Commander."

Once the doors were safely closed Miranda let out the snicker she'd been holding in. She found the whole situation ridiculous. All this fuss over royalties from an action figure? _Only Shepard..._ she thought to herself as she began to straighten up her already immaculate room. _And what's this?_ She picked up the datapad that the Commander had been going over every since she had come in. "'Joss Shepard's Guide to Collecting Royalties?'" She let her eyes scan over the text before letting out a decidedly unladylike snort. _Only Shepard..._

_Joss Shepard's Guide to Collecting Royalties_

_Step 1: Acquire information on action figure manufacture._

_Step 2: ? ? ?_

_Step 3: PROFIT!*****_

****A/N: Gotta love South Park, right? I meant to put this one up awhile ago, but tbh I forgot that I even wrote it lol. And wow! As of me typing this we're at 21 chapters, 14,876 words, 13,700 hits, and 45 reviews! What, I don't even...I can't even begin to thank you all for sticking with this randomness for this long. I really do heart you all. A lot. Like a lot a lot. ********Have a supertastic rest of the week!****


	22. No Game

****Characters****: Zaeed and Chakwas with a side of Joker and EDI  
><strong><strong>Word Count<strong>**: 419  
><strong><strong>Rating<strong>**: K  
><strong><strong>Author's Note<strong>****:****Zaeed may be a boss, but he has no game hahaha...**

**All my base are belonging to:**

**Janizary: **Oh God, don't give her ideas! Joss is such a little money grubber lol.

**RayneEthelwulf:** Hehehe. A bit o' drool is a small price to pay for the hearts ^.^

**Fatalicious: **Hahaha, yes well, you mustn't betray them, don't want all of your left socks to come up missing :p

**darkerego: **Thank ya kindly :]

**You fave/subbed? You get some base too, not all of it mind you, but some lol. Now, onwards!**

**No Game**

"I don't care which one of you started it! You should both be ashamed of yourselves!" Shepard's voice carried from Miranda's quarters into the mess. "You know what we're up against and yet you still insist on bickering like children? Really? God, save it for the Collectors."

Zaeed looked on with mild amusement as Jack stormed past to the elevator while Dr. Chakwas shook her head.

"I don't know how Joss puts up with those two," she sighed, taking a sip of her coffee.

The mercenary laughed. "Hell, she should just push one of them out of an air lock and save herself some trouble." That got a chuckle out of the doctor. "That's why I leave those young things alone," he shrugged.

Chakwas cocked an eyebrow at him. "Really now?"

"Really," Zaeed replied as he let his eyes slide slowly up and down her frame. "Too many things to deal with, too arrogant. I like my women confident and experienced. Sure, the young ones are good for fun, but that's it. At the end of the day, I want me an older woman." His eyes finally met hers and he smirked.

"Mr. Massani," Chakwas gave a particularly sweet smile as the mercenary wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "are you trying to hit on me by insinuating that I'm _old_?"

Zaeed's eyes widened in surprise. "Uh, no Sara, that's not what I meant. I mean..."

**Meanwhile, in the cockpit...**

"Bahahaha, ohmahgawd. That is _gold!_" Joker slapped at the arm rests of his chair as he cackled.

"Mr. Moreau," EDI's holographic image flickered to life, "I'm not sure I understand why you found that so amusing."

Joker wiped the tears from his eyes. "Of course you wouldn't _thing._" He sighed as he looked at the blue orb. It still creeped him out how much it looked like a giant lizard's eyeball, especially when it flickered. "God, who would've thought that the old bastard was that bad with women?" he mused out loud.

"Are you saying that Mr. Massani doesn't have what you humans refer to as 'game?'" EDI inquired as she continued to "stare" at him.

Joker looked over at the hologram with a raised eyebrow. "What do you know about game?"

"I know that it is something that you lack as well," it replied in its usual patronizing monotone.

"I hate you."

"It's lovely working with as well, Mr. Moreau."*

***A/N:** I'm guessing ya'll have probably heard Mr. Hudson's announcement about multiplayer being added to Mass Effect 3 (I just love how they felt the need to add that utterly adorable picture of Garrus to soften the blow lmao: http:/ /tinyurl .com/3loxm5c). I'm not really sure how I feel about that, but Ima hold off on making a decision one way or the other until I see the special on BioWare TV this Wednesday. So, how do ya'll feel about this new development? Hate it? Love it? Don't know? Don't care? Haha, either way, have a good rest of the week!


	23. What if We're Never Here Again?

****Characters******:** Shepard & Alenko**  
><strong>****Word Count******: **339**  
><strong>****Rating******: **K**  
><strong>****Author's Note****: Hey midterms? Eff you! Haha, I've been all MIA b/c I was working my tush off so that I wouldn't have to take those annoying midterms. My mission was a success! Since I've gotten all of the really big projects outlined and mostly started all I have to do is follow my work schedule, show up in class, and do my homework. Doesn't seem like a win right now, as my friends are so quick to point out, but we'll see who's laughing in a few weeks... Anyways!

I've been in the mood for something Shenko related so that's what we have here. Inspiration? A prompt from the ME challenge over on LJ and 21 (Adele why you so awesome?)

****Prompt******: **"What if we're never here again?"

****A little bottle of that awesome smell that comes along with fall goes to (haha, this is almost as long as the drabble itself):****

****RayneEthelwulf******: **They said that the multiplayer is there to "enhance" the game so if they're not lying to us it shouldn't affect single player at all lol ...and I'm glad you did :]

****Whatshisface v.2******:** *rubs your back and hands you a cup of that thing you love to drink* There there, it'll be okay... hopefully... dear God, I hope it will... I felt the passion in that review tho, lol, and I agree with you for the most part, but I shall try to remain optimistic till the demo comes out in January (if that sucks then I'll go into cry mode). And the day they announce "Horde Mode" on ME, I shall burn ever piece of BioWare merch that I own.

****Fatalicious******: **I love writing EDI owning Joker lol. And I agree, there are enough multiplayer games out there, ME didn't need to join the ranks :/

****RevealedGrace******: **Hmm, Kelly and Zaeed? That's crazy... just crazy enough to work! Then again he might get tired of her talking and sneak off in the middle of the night and she's so nutty that she'd go out and search the galaxy for him and *clears throat* ...yes I think Chakwas is a better fit too lol.

****Janizary******:** EDI: pwning Joker since 2185. And thank you for acquainting Mr. Massani with Mr. Foot, they really should get on the first name basis if they're going to be spending so much time together :p. And apparently they'll have it for the PC as well. I have no freaking clue how that would work in multiplayer, guess it'd have to be out...

****Cutie Pie 9335******: **Why thank you dearie! (God, I sound like my grandma lol) And awwws, you don't have to go back and do that, but if you feel so inclined then I won't object ^.^

****You fave/sub? Here, have a cookie (it's shaped like a pumpkin!), but they're kinda burnt on the bottom... sorry about that... Now, onwards!****

****What if Were Never Here Again?****

"Joss, come back to bed," Kaidan's sleep-thickened voice mumbled. No reply. His eyes popped open and his senses kicked into overdrive. "Joss?" he called again, spine tingling with the beginnings of his biotics activating as he jumped out the bed. "Joss?"

"In here," she called from the living room where she stood framed by the pale lighting of the rising artificial sun.

Kaidan let out a deep breath and powered down his biotics. "What are you doing in here?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

She shrugged before leaning back into his embrace. "Just looking. It's beautiful isn't it?"

It was his turn to shrug now. The bustling skyline of the Citadel was a sight that they'd both seen hundreds of times, albeit from different perspectives. "I guess it is, you know, in a city type of way." She gave a little laugh and pulled his arms tighter around her. "It's 0700 hours, we shouldn't be up this early while on leave, it's just wrong. Let's go back to bed."

"Stay, just a bit longer..."

There was a slight tremor in her voice. "Joss, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just... do you ever feel like... well what if we're never here again?"

"Huh? This is your, I mean _our_, apartment. Why wouldn't we ever come here again?"

She shook her head. "No I don't mean _here_ here, I mean _here_..." The room fell silent, each confused as to what she meant, before they both dissolved into laughter. "I'm just being weird I guess. Ignore me, please," she managed after a moment.

He placed a kiss on her temple. "Okay, we'll stay, just a bit longer." Joss nodded her thanks before resting her head on his chest.

* * *

><p>A few hours later they would receive a message from Anderson calling them back to the <em>Normandy<em> for a routine patrol to hunt down the last remnants of the geth forces...

****A/N******: **Waaah! Why'd you go all douche bag-y and run me into the arms of the Drell? Why? Haha, anyways! Junk about this chapter: I'm assuming that they probably gave them a couple of weeks of leave after the Battle of the Citadel. This took place during those two weeks of leave. So umm, what else? Oh yeah, there's suppose to be a ME3 demo coming out in Jan. so that's something... well that's everything actually. So yeah, have a good weekend!


	24. Blood on My Knuckles

****Characters******: **Jack**  
><strong>****Word Count******: **491**  
><strong>****Rating******: **T (for language)  
><strong><strong>Author's Note<strong>****: **Yet another story from the MEC on LJ. But! I am working on a Halloween special of sorts (can we say costume party gone wrong?) and that shall be funny and kinda long and up this weekend, so I guess it all balances itself out *shrugs*  
><strong><strong>Prompt<strong>****: **"Blood on my knuckles"

****Caramel apples go to:  
><strong>******RayneEthelwulf******:** I know! I was in the mood for something a bit sad. And he probably does lol. Joss started "dropping" stuff just to find out... you know... for science... hahaha.  
><strong><strong>Whatshisface v.2<strong>****:** Of course I did! And there is suppose to be one and I believe it's the multiplayer section, smh lol...  
><strong><strong>Fatalicious<strong>****:** You would think, but noooo, they just had to be an ass about it. What did they want? A sorry for dying?  
><strong><strong>Janizary<strong>****: **Glad ya liked it :]  
><strong><strong>You subfave? Here, you can lick the caramel spoon! Now, onwards!****

****Blood on My Knuckles****

"Ready for the next round Jack?"

I nod even though it's not true. I don't want to do this anymore. Hell, I never wanted to do it in the first place. But I'm here and I don't have a choice. So I wipe the blood off my knuckles, I'm not sure if it's mine or the other kids anymore, and get ready for my next opponent.

The door to my right opens to reveal a little scrap of a girl, can't be no more than eight. She's not much to look at, her blonde hair hangs lank around her gaunt face, and her arms seem to be a bit too long for her body, but her eyes... they're the brightest green that I've ever seen, reminding me of the grass that I've only ever seen in books. And it's those eyes, so wide and scared and full of _hate_, that make me stop. I can't do this.

"Begin," the disembodied voice demands. Neither of us move until a searing pain courses its way from the base of my spine right into my brain. "If you hesitate, you die! Now begin."

This time I attack.

* * *

><p>It's chaos. Lights are flashing, sirens are sounding, people are panicking, and it's fuckin' chaos. I hide under my blankets, waiting for it to stop, but it never does. Eventually the door to my cell opens and I scurry under my desk, hoping to avoid any punishment that might be dealt out for whatever random reason they've come up with now.<p>

"Zero! Zero, come out here and help us!" a voice I recognize to be one of the guards calls out.

I hesitate for the second time today. "Get your ass out here you little bitch!" he yells as he comes into my room.

He spots me under the desk and starts for me. This time I don't hesitate. Flailing limbs and primal screams are all I remember before slamming his body into the wall outside my room. Rather he was dead before he hit the metal or after I'm not sure nor do I give two shits. I know that this is my only chance to escape and there's no way in hell that I'm not taking it.

I kill every bastard guard and scientist I come across. I try to help the other kids, but they attack me so I kill them too. By the time I make it to the exit I'm sure that everyone in the facility is dead. They're all dead and I'm all alone. Fine by me, those fuckers never did anything good for me. I climb into the first shuttle that I see, glad to be getting off of the soggy planet, but not before taking note of the logo of the logo on the side of the vessel.

Cerberus, huh? I don't know who they are, but those motherfuckers are gonna pay.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>AN******: **Kinda sad again, idk what's up with me writing such blue stores lol. Jack is probably my favorite female squad member (sorry Tali, your drones are cool and all, but Jack can kill things. With her mind.) and when I found out what Cerberus did to her I was so pissed... Anywho! Chapter updates are close together because I wanted to get my upload schedule back on track. Welp, that's all for now. Have a supertastic rest of the week!


	25. Introduction

**An explanation of sorts. Feel free to skip ahead if ya want to get straight to the drabble.**

So I know ya'll are prolly all "Immy, Y U NO WRITE?" The answer is... complicated, but I feel as if I owe some sort of explanation to those who want one. Simply put: life happened. A lot of bad things went down in November and December and I won't go into details, but it all left me very distraught and not in the mood to write much. Then when I did write it was mostly Fallout 3 stuff (because that's what I was playing mostly) so yeah *shrugs* Anyways, things, are getting back to normal finally and so the writing recommences! Yay!

As compensation I'll be posting not one, not two, not even five, but twelve -yes you read right- _twelve_ drabbles! That's like half the amount that I've written in a five month span all uploaded on one day! All to make it up to my awesome readers... if you guys are even still around lol. Also, I've been reading my older posts and _damn_, what the hell is up with my proofreading skills? They're like almost nonexistent! So I'll be editing them (to the best of my obviously limited ability lol) sometime this week...hopefully...

I'll also be posting some other fics randomly (mostly Fallout 3/NV stuff, maybe some Uncharted, a little Infamous, a dash of CoD, and maybe some AC stuff; all for the 100 Themes Challenge over on dA) when the mood strikes me, so that's something. I also got another fic in the works that has nothing to do with any of the above mentioned games at all. I found it saved on my old desktop and I've been polishing it up -because omg, my writing was so terribad back then- and I plan on posting it... eventually, that thing is getting pretty lengthy lol.

But all of that is pretty irrelevant to this, sooooo yeah. Let's get this upload-palooza started!

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Characters<strong>****: Shepard  
><strong>**Word Count**: 809 (seems longer, but it's just the formatting I guess)  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K+  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Part of my Shepard's dossier. Read if ya want, if not that's cool too. Mostly did it because I've been wanting to for awhile now and it fit this theme so... yeah *shrugs* For the 100 Themes Challenge on dA.

* * *

><p><strong>Hearts, stars, and horseshoes to (most of these reviews are old as that thang, but Ima reply anyways lol):<strong>

-**Fatalicious**: Lol, tbh I wasn't really sure what to make of that chapter either, aside from being saddened/rage-y. Thanks for the review! ^.^  
>-<strong>RayneEthelwulf<strong>: You and me both.  
>-<strong>FloridaMagpie<strong>: Haha, glad you enjoyed it!  
>-<strong>Janizary<strong>: Hahaha, weasel dance, smh lol...  
>-<strong>Catori1207<strong>: Thanks for all the reviews! Hopefully you'll continue to like this randomness :]  
>-<strong>You favealert? Here, have the clovers and blue moons. Now, onwards!**

* * *

><p><strong>1. Introduction<strong>

**Name**: Joss Lynn Shepard  
><strong>Species<strong>: Human  
><strong>Date of Birth<strong>: April 11, 2154 (Shalin, Mindoir)  
><strong>Date of Death<strong>: June 7, 2183  
><strong>Date of Resurrection<strong>: February 2, 2185  
><strong>Age<strong>: 31  
><strong>Race<strong>: African American

**Family**:

**Mother**: Marcy Danielle Griffin-Shepard (Deceased) [dossier]

**Father**: Marcus Alexander Shepard (Deceased) [dossier]

**Sister**: Roxanna Elise Shepard-Lee (Age: 27) [dossier]

**Brother-in-law**: Victor Lee (Age: 29) [dossier]

**Niece**: Danielle Marie Lee (Age: 10) [dossier]

**Nephew**: Nathan Alexander Lee (Age: 10) [dossier]

**Aunt**: Captain Hannah Renee Melas-Shepard (Age: 55) [dossier]

**Uncle**: Major Ethan James Shepard (Deceased) [dossier]

**Cousin**: Olivia Madison Shepard (Age: 32) [dossier]

**Affiliation**:

**-System Alliance Military-**

***Branch**: Marines

***Joined**: April 11, 2172

***Service Number**: 5923-AC-2826

***Highest Rank Achieved**: Commander  
>- - -Rank Received on May 15, 2180<p>

**-Citadel Council-**

*Inducted as the first human Spectre  
>- - -Received on February 4, 2183<p>

**-Cerberus (Temporally)-**

***Mission**: To defeat the Collectors  
>- - -Mission successful [see file "<em><span>Attack on Collector Base<span>_"; file WIP]

**Career Highlights**:

***2176**: Received the Star of Terra for heroic actions in the Skyllian Blitz [file] [video clip]

***2179**: Graduation of the N7 Program [file] [video clip]

***2183**: Received the status of Spectre [file]

***2183**: The Battle of the Citadel [file]

**Overview of History (prior to the hunt for Saren)**:

Shepard was born and raised on Mindoir, a Human farming colony on the fringes of the Attican Traverse. In 2170, the colony was raided by Batarian slavers [see file: "_The Assault on Mindoir_"]. The entire settlement was razed and harvested, leaving Shepard and her younger sister Roxanna E. Shepard as the only survivors. They were later found and rescued by the crew of the_ SSV Einstein_. They were given into the care of their next of kin (Major E. Shepard and Captain H. Shepard, who incidentally served on the _Einstein_. See respective files and dossiers for more information).

Shepard spent the rest of her teen years attending the System Alliance Preparatory, a military boarding school, with her sister and cousin Olivia M. Shepard, the sole survivor of the thresher maw attack on Akuze [see file: "_The Akuze Incident_"]. While there she attended mandatory therapy sessions, undergoing a psychiatric evaluation every few months to ensure no mental fractures had occurred as a result of the experienced trauma. A month before her seventeenth birthday, Shepard began to show signs of biotic potential [Marcy D. Shepard, her mother, suffered second-hand exposure while treating victims of an eezo mine collapse; see her _dossier_ for more details]. She was transferred over to the school's biotic training program, where she excelled, showing biotic prowess comparative to that of an seasoned Asari Maiden.

Shepard enlisted with the System Alliance Military as a marine on April 11, 2172, the day of her eighteenth birthday. Her service record was impressive with one of the major highlights being her participation in the Skyllian Blitz in 2176 [see file "_The Attack on Elysium: The Skyllian Blitz_"]. She rallied the civilian inhabitants, leading them in their desperate fight to hold off the invaders. When enemy troops broke through the colony's defenses, she single-handedly held them off and sealed the breach. After hours of brutal fighting, reinforcements finally arrived and the enemy broke ranks and fled. Because of her actions, the colony was saved, and she is regarded throughout the Alliance, as well as the Human homeworld, as a true hero.

After her display of skill and valor during the Skyllian Blitz, Shepard was drafted into the N7 program three years later, graduating a year later with honors. Shepard continued to rise through the ranks, achieving the rank of Commander that next year at the age of twenty-six.

_Shepard (after looking over dossier): ...Gotta tell ya L, this is pretty__ creepy._

_Liara (with an apologetic shrug): Yes, I can see how you would find this... unsettling. I can delete it if you'd like._

_Shepard (nodding slowly): Yeah, do that please. God this thing is so detailed. Why's mine so much more detailed than everyone else?_

_Joker (from over intercom): Because you're Commander effin' Shepard!_

_Shepard (annoyed): Go away Joker._

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: This is just the tip of the iceberg so to speak. Other bits and pieces of it may pop up in future chapters... Now, to upload the next 11 chapters...


	26. Annoyance

**Characters**: Shepard, Garrus, Miranda, and Conrad mothereffin' Verner!  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 531  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K+  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Set in a ME3, this is a scene that I'm pretty sure will never come to pass sadly... Still for the 100 Themes Challenge on dA.

* * *

><p><strong>69. Annoyance<strong>

"Shepard," Garrus began, annoyance clear in his voice, "I know we're having a hard time recruiting people for the cause, but are we really so desperate as to take on that idiot?"

The Commander rubbed at her weary eyes. "Yes, yes we are." She looked over at where Conrad Verner bounced from foot to foot in his fake N7 armor. Miranda, who up until that point had been giving him a lecture of some sort, snatched the M-8 Avenger from his hands before stalking over to the pair.

"This is ridiculous Shepard!" the XO hissed, "Did we really have to take this imbecile with us?"

"The 'imbecile' is standing right here," Verner huffed as he came to stand next to Shepard.

"We're going to have to get his feet wet at some point, and this mission is as good as any," Shepard quickly said before another argument could start. "It'll be easy. We go in, you get the information we need while the rest of us keep the mercs off of you. I want to keep a low profile for as long as possible, so we're going in quiet. Garrus, find a nest and set up shop. I don't want anyone getting within ten feet of Lawson, got it?"

"Understood Shepard."

"Good. Verner, you're on me. I want you watching my six. Think you can handle that?"

"Hells yeah! I'd do a better job if Miss Cold would give me my gun back though."

Shepard covered up her laugh with a cough as icy, murderous eyes were turned on the man. "Call her out of her name again and I won't be held responsible for what she does to you. Miranda, give him back his gun." The older woman scowled, but reluctantly handed over the weapon. "Okay, so-"

"Alright guns up," Conrad cut in as he switched the assault rifle's fire rate to full auto, "let's do this. **COONNNRAAAAAAD VERNER**!" he belted out the last part of his sentence like some type of ancient war cry as he kicked in the door to the Eclipse base and rushed in.

Shepard, Garrus, and Miranda all stood there, mouths agape.

"Oh my God... He just, he just ran in," Miranda breathed, stunned. "It's like he didn't even hear a word that you said..."

_Why did I think this could work?_ Shepard thought as she slapped a gloved hand to her head. "Save him!" she ordered when nobody made a move towards the door.

"Do we have to?" Garrus whined over the gunfire that erupted from the building.

"Yes!" Shepard growled, wrapping herself in a blue corona as she geared up for a Charge. He might've been an idiot that deserved his fate, but she'd be damned if he reaped the fruits of his idiocy on her watch.

"_Peek-a-boo bitches!"_

"_Get down you dumbass! A sniper has a red dot pointed at the back of your hea- **Garrus**!"_

"_Sorry Shep, but it was worth a shot. Heh heh, get it? 'Worth a **shot**?'"_

"_I'm working with a bloody bunch of idiots."_

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Leeeeeerooooooy! Jenkins. Bahaha! Conrad is an annoying little bastard, but he's weaseled his way into my heart. "You heartworm, you." (sorry, I've been playing too much DA2 lol) If I could recruit him, he'd totally be a staple in my ground team :p


	27. 67 Percent

**Characters**: Shepard & Olivia (her older cousin)  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 190  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K+  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Nothing turns people into grumps like being soggy and muddy. Based on a true story of something that happened to me any my bestie last spring lol. For the 100 Themes Challenge over on dA.

* * *

><p><strong>70. 67%<strong>

"Did you not watch the weather channel this morning Joss?"

"I _did_ Olivia. The weather man said that it was a sixty-seven percent chance that it was gonna rain, I just... didn't believe him."

"'_Sixty-seven_ _percent_?' And you didn't believe him?"

"What? Don't look at me like that! It _never_ rains this time of the year. That's why we call this the _dry_ season!"

"Even so, sixty-seven percent is hella high-"

An annoyed huff then, though it would've been more effective if it wasn't garbbled by rain dripping over the girl's lips. "If you feel that way about it then maybe _you_ should've watched the weather channel yourself!"

"I didn't because _you_ said that it wasn't going to rain!"

"I wasn't suppose to!"

The pair fall silent for a moment leaving only the squelching of their feet through the muddy fields of Mindoir as the rain continues in a steady fall.

"_Sixty-seven percent_ _Joss_?"

"There's a eighty-seven percent chance that my foot'll be meeting your ass. How do you like those odds Olivia?"

A laugh. "Love you too Jossy."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: I never believe the weather man when he says anything about precipitation. It has led to some very damp situations on more than one occasion. But! In my defense, he's almost always wrong. And the few times he was right... well even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in awhile...


	28. Two Guns

**Characters**: Serviceman Chung  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 242  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T-ish?  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: So in the description of this story I spoke of Serviceman Chung, but I've never written about him. This drabble serves to remedy that. (still for the 100 Themes Challenge on dA)

* * *

><p><strong>45. Two Guns<strong>

Daniel Chung wasn't sure what had happened; one minute the _Hiroshima_ was firing at a Reaper and the next they were all being told to gear up and get to an escape pod as quickly as possible. Now they were on the ground being swarmed by these zombie like creatures known as husks.

"_You are not a cowboy shooting from the hip!"_ His instructor's words rang in his head, but as he dual welded his pistols, he had to disagree. Sure the two Razer's were a lot more high-tech than anything that would've been used in the late nineteenth century, and his armored boots certainly didn't have spurs, but none of that kept him from feeling like a cowboy straight out of one of the old vids that he use to watch with his grandfather as a child.

_My training did not cover this_, he thought to himself as he fired at a flailing husk that appeared to have once been human. As soon as the creature fell ten more seemed to take its place. After five more minutes of fighting along side his fellow crewmates, the last husk -a gnarled, quasi Salarian- was fell by two well placed pistol shots to the skull.

A small smirk played across Chung's lips as he reloaded the two guns. _Sir Issac may be the "deadliest son of a bitch in space," but I plan on giving him a run for his money._

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Serviceman Chung is coming, and hell's coming with him! You hear? Hell's coming with him! (Haha, that's a Tombstone reference if you were wondering.)


	29. Advertisement

**Characters**: Shepard & Thane  
><strong>Word Count<strong>:469  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: What's the only thing more weird/funny than Elcor doing Shakespeare...? (for the 100 Theme's Challenge on dA)

* * *

><p><strong>95. Advertisement<strong>

_I'm __living a cliché,_ Joss Shepard muses as she settles down into the theater's cushy seat. But as Thane wraps an arm around her shoulders she can't bring herself to complain about that fact.

The lights go down in the room as the screen lights up and the first preview begins to play. Thick block letters appear on a black background as the narrator begins to read the script in the common Citadel language over epic Earth-style classical music. _"First he brought you William Shakespeare's classic 'Hamlet'-"_

_Seriously, this guy again? _Joss thinks as she resists the urge to scoff.

The bold text fades as the music's volume lowers. The screen now shows an Elcor standing on a stage with a spotlight shining down on him. "Anguish: O, that this too too sullied flesh would melt/ Thaw, and resolve itself into dew," he drawls in his species signature monotone.

The music rises once more as the next line of text appears. _"Now award winning director Francis Kitt brings you something __different__..."_

_What now? An all Turian rendition of Top Hat?_ As the idea of Turian's attempting to sing and dance like the legendary Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire takes root in her mind, the Commander can't help but to giggle. Thane raises a questioning eyebrow ridge at her, but she just shakes her head, not wanting to explain what she was thinking why the idea is so hilarious.

The music switches over to something whimsical as the screen shows two Hanar facing one another. A series of lights plays out across the body of the periwinkle Hanar's body as he... she?... places a tentacle on what could be considered the others shoulder area. The second Hanar, this one has more of a violet hue, lights up as well, only with more flashing. Thane, having eyes modified to understand the specie's language, chuckles at whatever was said- erm, glowed.

"_Shakespeare's romantic comedy done by Hanar, and completely in __bioluminescence!__"_ the narrator announces with fanfare.

Joss raises both of her eyebrows at the screen. _They cannot be serious._

But they obviously are. Random scenes from the production flash across the screen as the jaunty tune continues. Finally the music reaches an all time high before the last note is struck and drawn out. _"Shakespeare's 'Much Ado About Nothing.'"_

_Who, aside from another Hanar, would want to go see that?_ She doubts that there will be more than a handful of people going to see the play, but as she looks over at her lover -his usual stoic mask is gone as he stares at the screen with big brown eyes that are lit up with amusement- she knows that she'll be one of the few, if not the only, human in the audience.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: The things we do for love, eh? Personally I don't think I could sit through an hour and a half of watching large jellyfish-like creatures glow out Shakespeare, but then again I'm not Commander Shepard lol. Idk wth this idea came from, but what I do know is now I want to watch both Top Hat and Much Ado About Nothing...


	30. I Can't

**Characters**: Shepard & Mordin  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 267  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: I don't even... *shrugs* lol (for the 100 Themes Challenge on dA)

* * *

><p><strong>73. I. Can't.<strong>

"Hey Mordin," Joss greeted as she entered the lab. She'd finally gotten Belle, her beloved shotgun, back from Jacob who'd just upped the already ridiculously high damage and now she was ready to test it out with the new ammo the scientist had promised her. "You done with those cryo rounds?"

He nodded, but made no move to retrieve the items. As a matter of fact he hadn't moved a muscle since she'd entered the room.

The Commander cocked an eyebrow at him. "...well can you give them to me?"

"I. Can't." Joss' eyes widened. That was the slowest she'd _ever_ heard him talk.

"Why not?"

"Fh-fh-frozen to t-the fh-floor Sh-shepard."

"I- wait, _what_?" Joss walked around the desk to see that he was encased in a thin layer of ice that started as his waist and got thicker as it decedent down his legs and onto his feet. Yes, Mordin Solus, scientist extraordinaire, had indeed frozen himself to the floor. "How-"

"Muh-may have... underes-es-estimated shur-strength of cuh-cuh-cryo blast."

She snickered. "_Riiight_. Welp, I'll get a blow-dryer."

"S-su-such a pr-pr-primitive met-method-" he tutted, shivering hard.

"Well I _could_ call Jack up here. She just got a new box of incendiary ammo that she's been dying to test out, and her aim is pretty accurate... well _most_ of the time..."

"Th-then ag-g-gain, suh-suh-sometimes s-s-simple is beh-beh-better."

"_I can't believe that you actually miscalculated something."_

"_Highly improbable that I did. Omni-tool may need to be re-calibrated. Should get Garrus to look into it."_

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: March needs to hurry up! I want to kick some more butt with my favorite scientist Salarian! The demo, if you didn't already know, is suppose to be coming out on Valentine's Day. Hopefully that'll tide me over till 4/6...


	31. Still

**Characters: **Rahna, Kaidan, & Vyrnnus  
><strong>Word Count: <strong>895  
><strong>Rating: <strong>K+  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: It's exactly what you think it is. For the 100 Themes Challenge on dA.

* * *

><p><strong>42. Still<strong>

"_What _are you doing, _girl_?" Vyrnnus demanded.

The room, which had been filled with the low buzz of conversation, instantly fell silent. Rahna jumped, surprised by the Turian's sudden appearance, dropping the glass she'd just picked up onto the table. She looked down at water and glass that littered the shiny metal surface with barely contained horror before turning rapidly blinking eyes up at her instructor who was standing behind her. "I Vyrnnus, I'm sorry, I-"

"Clumsy as well as lazy," he sneered as he stared down at her. "Oh stop your blathering you pathetic little wretch."

Rahna immediately did as she was told. She'd seen first hand what happened to people who aggravated the instructor and it never ended well. Kaidan stiffen beside her, hands clinching his fork tightly. There was just the slightest tingle of biotic energy rolling off of him, a result of his heightening emotions. Rather the emotion he was experiencing was anger or fear, she wasn't sure.

"It seems as if you have no problem with taking orders now, so why couldn't you have followed my earlier instructions, hmm?" Vyrnnus questioned her, mandibles pulled in tightly to his face. "What did I tell you all about picking things up?"

"'Always with your biotics,'" her peers droned in unison.

"They all remember what I said, so why don't you? Are you hard of hearing?" She shook her head no, eyes following him as he walked around to stand beside her. "Oh, so you're just stupid, is that it?" She shook her head once more, eyes beginning to sting. "Well then you must be lazy. A lazy, ignorant cow that can't even follow simple directions!" he growled.

By now the tears that threatened to fall were flowing freely. Kaidan brought his hand up to rub what he hoped to be a comforting line up and down her back, all the while cursing his inability to do anything about the situation.

Vyrnnus let out a sinister chuckle as he watched the teen's awkward attempt to comfort the girl. The look on Alenko's face was just priceless. He obviously like the girl, probably wanted to mate with her, but he didn't even have the stones to tell her how he felt. This was why he hated humans, they were all so _weak._ Weak in mind, body, and will. Especially this girl. She was- what was the human term? A runt. Yes, she was the runt of the group. Always falling behind in training exercises, never able to do even half as much as the others. And instead of shunning her for it, they seemed to be drawn to her because of it, constantly protecting her. It all made him sick, but it also excited him. Making someone as pitiful as her into a functioning biotic would be the highlight of his time with this moronic program. He would push her to her limits and beyond. He would make her bend and break, quite literally, if need be. Suddenly a deliciously sinister plan began to take shape in his mind.

"Get up," The Turian growled. Rahna looked up at him, brown eyes wide and moist, but made no move to rise. "I said, _get_. _Up._" When she still didn't obey he grabbed her by the arm and jerked her to standing. The table became a flurry of motion then as all of the students jumped to their feet. Vyrnnus let out a humorless chuckle. This was exactly what he was talking about. "Sit down, all of you." His voice held an edge that just dared to be defied.

One by one all of the teenagers returned to their seats under his hawk-like stare, all except for Kaidan who stood with his fist balled up tightly at his sides. "Didn't you hear me boy?"

_"Let. Her. Go_," he spat, tone icy.

Vyrnnus tightened his grip on the girl's arm making her let out a little yelp. "Kaidan, _please_," she pleaded. The situation was bad enough, she didn't want anybody else getting hurt on her account. Kaidan's eyes flicked between Rahna and the instructor as he slowly sunk back down into his chair.

_No backbone at all_, the Turian thought as he shook his head. This girl, this one creature was holding them all back. Well, he would soon fix that. "I was just going to make her forgo the rest of her meal and run drills, but since you both decided that it would be a good idea to challenge me... well, now she'll pay for your insolence."

Ranha's eyes, which were already wide, manged to grow even wider at his words. Before she could even process it, her left arm was being pulled and twisted into an unnatural position. She let out an ear-piercing scream as her good arm came up to claw at his hand. The pain radiating out from the now broken appendage would have brought her to her knees if not for Vyrnnus' iron grip.

The rest of what happened was blurry for her, only coming back in snatches when she least expected it. But was she does remember perfectly is Vyrnnus' body slumped against the wall with a stillness that only comes in death and Kaidan Alenko standing over him, glowing brilliantly with biotic energy.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Vyrnnus was a prick. He deserved it. That is all.


	32. Smile

****Characters****: Shepard & Kaidan  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 785  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: (For the 100 Themes Challenge on dA) Sometimes it's the little things...

* * *

><p><strong>14. Smile<strong>

Joss Shepard rubbed at her throbbing head. That _thing_, whatever it was exactly, had really done a number on her. The visions -or nightmares, she couldn't decided which term was more accurate, though she was leaning towards the latter- that haunted her unconscious mind seemed to plague her even more now that she was awake. There seemed to be a constant chattering -no, that wasn't it exactly; it was more akin to static, like someone was whispering at her over a bad connection- in her head and it didn't seem like it was going to go away anytime soon. She rubbed at her sore eyes with a quite groan. _This type of stuff only happens to me._

"Doctor? Doctor Chakwas? I think she's waking up."

The voice was familiar with it's odd, but pleasant accent, and it was very close to her. She turned towards its source, careful not to move too fast so as not to trigger anymore pain, to find a very nervous Kaidan Alenko looking back at her, his whiskey colored eyes worried. A fleeting thought told her that he was adorable with his face all scrunched up in concern. She decided to box said thought up and shove it into the 'Totally Random and _Completely_ Inappropriate' department of her brain for further processing later.

"You had us worried there Shepard," the doctor said, capturing the Commander's attention as she came to lean over her, ophthalmoscope in hand, "How are you feeling?"

Joss had to resist the urge to knock the old medical device out of the older woman's hands; that blinding light was doing nothing good for her already pounding head. "It's just a slight headache Doc, don't worry yourself," the last few words came out in a grunt as she pushed herself up into a sitting position. _God my back is killing me_, she thought as she rubbed at the sore muscles. She'd taken a particularly nasty fall during the Blitz, landing spine first onto a rather large chunk of debris. At the time she didn't feel anything more than a bruise, but once she was in the safety of _Agincourt_'s med-bay with her waning adrenaline she really began to realize the full extent of her injury. After a week's worth of bed rest and physical therapy she was once again declared fit for duty. For the most part the injury gave her no trouble, aside for when it came time to sleep. Eventually she learned that she if she switched her position ever hour or so it would ward off the stiffness that came from being immobile for so long, and her body became so use to the shifting that she started to do it subconsciously in her sleep. _It feels like I've been laying in the same position for almost a whole day. Either this is that beacon's work or the doctor drugged me..._

"So how long was I out?" she asked, blinking hard in an attempt to rid her vision of the glowing circles that danced in front of her eyes from the device's bright light.

"About fifteen hours. Oh don't look at me like that," Chakwas chided as she stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest, "I didn't give you any sedatives, you didn't need one. You were out cold by the time they got you here. Apparently something happened with the beacon."

"It's my fault," Kaidan sighed then, prompting Shepard to look over at him. "I must have trigger some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to- you had to push me out of the way." He looked away then, clearly embarrassed.

"Hey, don't blame yourself. You had no way of knowing what would happen, none of us did." Sometime during one of those sentences she had placed a hand on his shoulder. _That's inappropriate soldier!_ a little voice in her head (one that sounded disturbingly similar to Moore, her old Drill Sargent) screamed at her. She instantly pulled her hand away as if she'd just touched something hot. _Well you kinda __did__, you know, just in a very juvenile sense of the word._ Joss instantly clamped down on that line of thought, knowing that no matter how much she wanted it to, it couldn't lead to anything good.

But it seemed as if all of her will power was for not as she made the mistake of looking over at the Staff Lieutenant and that smile. It was a little thing, a barely noticeable lifting of the left corner of his mouth, but it was all it took for the Commander to know that she was a goner.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Oh that little smile... So I obviously added more detail to this scene than what's originally in the game because I always felt that it was a bit lacking and I figured that was better than just rehashing the entire thing (if you wanted that, you'd be playing the game, not reading a fanfic).


	33. Foreign

****Characters****: Shepard & Kaidan**  
><strong>**Word Count**: 207  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K+  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: More Shenko stuff. For, you guessed it, the 100 Themes Challenge on dA.

* * *

><p><strong>27. Foreign<strong>

"You uh, you make a habit of getting this personal with everyone?" Kaidan asked as he leaned up against the perpetually broken panel that he abandoned in lieu of speaking with her.

"I didn't say I did this for the _whole_ crew." A blush crept into Joss' cheeks as she realized that she damn near purred the words at him. _Thank goodness for darker pigment and bad lighting._ The Lieutenant didn't seemed to mind too much though, not if that smile he was giving her meant anything. "We should talk again later," she blurted out. _Must get out now! Before I make an even bigger fool of myself._

He arched an eyebrow at her. "I'll um- I'll need some time to process that Commander." His face softened then, "But yeah, I'd like that."

She gave him a small smile and a nod before heading off towards her quarters. The feeling in her stomach, that damned cliché fluttering, wasn't exactly foreign, but it was something that she hadn't felt in quite some time. She plopped down on the edge of her bed resting her head in her hands.

"Seriously, why did I wait till I'm damn near 29 to develop a crush?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Why indeed Joss? Lol...


	34. Europe

**Characters**: Jake & Kim Kent (two random OCs) & a Reaper  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 358  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Just replayed MW3 (I'm only in it for the campaign, I swear!) and Davis Family Vacation mini-level inspired me to write this. Still for the 100 Themes Challenge on dA.

* * *

><p><strong>26. Europe<strong>

**Audio File Jx9-22-87h (also known as the "Kent Honeymoon Footage")**  
><strong>Paris, France<strong>  
><strong>June 23, 2186<strong>  
><strong>3:04 pm (CEST)<strong>  
><strong>AUDIO ONLY.<strong>

**Audio Start:**

Jake Kent[soft thumping; most likely due to adjusting the camera]:_ Okay, we're on._

Kim Kent:_ It's working?_

JK:_ Yes-_

KK:_ You sure Jake? I don't want to have to do this over again-_

JK [exasperated sigh]:_ It's working Kim. Talk._

KK [laughs]:_ Okay, okay. Hi mom, daddy, Mama and Papa Kent, Stacy, Mark-_

JK [laughs]:_ Family in general._

KK [more laughter]:_ Yes, 'family in general,' we're here in beautiful Paris! This is out last stop in our tour of Europe. This has been a fantastic honeymoon, you guys are the best parents ever for sending us here!_

JK:_ Thanks a bunch!_

KK:_ Babe, get a shot of the Eiffel Tower, oh excuse me, La Tour Eiffel. It's also known as la dame de fer, that's the 'iron lady' for all you non French speaking folks- _[a laugh]

JK: _What in the actual fuck?_

KK [gasps]: _Jake! Watch your-_

JK:_ What is that thing?_

KK:_ What? What are you talking about?_

JK:_ Look, it's hovering directly above the Tower._

KK:_ Oh my God..._

JK:_ Looks like a giant tick..._

Reaper:_ Humans-_

KK:_ A giant __talking tick__._

Reaper:_ Look to the skies and witness your destruction. As you stand on the threshold on your annihilation, remember that you have existed this long only because we allowed it._

[A humming sound coming from what's assumed to be Reaper drop ships can be heard in the background.]

JK:_ Kim... we need to go. Now. We have to get somewhere safe._

[Illegible audio.]

Reaper:_ You are a blight on the galaxy that we shall remove. Watch in awe as you and every other sentient race in the galaxy die at the hands of your betters._

[Screams accompanied by the sounds of general panic and running.]

JK [broken up]:_ ...running! Kim... no! ..od, Please! No! _[A thump; presumably J. Kent's body hitting the ground]

[Shots can be heard, along with more screaming and running.]

Reaper:_ We are the beginning, you are the end._

[Continued noises of panic and gunshots.]

**Audio End.**

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Tragic. ...yeah that's all I got lol. Welp, on the the next!


	35. Plus

**Characters**: Shepard & Kaidan  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 538  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Some Shenko stuff set after the events of ME3. Still for the 100 Themes Challenge on dA.

* * *

><p><strong>82. +<strong>

_With all of the advancements that have been made in technology, you'd think they'd have come up with a more __sanitary__ solution to home pregnancy detection_, Joss mused as she waited for the 'pee stick's' answer. With the Reaper situation three years behind them, she and Kaidan had been trying to conceive. It had been over four months now, and though the attempts were more than enjoyable, the lack of results were really starting to wear on them both. After doing all that they knew to do (Joss never wanted to hear the words 'ovulation' and 'calendar' again in the same sentence) they finally went to the doctor to find out what the problem was exactly. Her diagnosis had been... less than comforting.  
>*-*-*<p>

"_You're both very healthy individuals-"_

"_I'm sensing a 'but' here," Kaidan said, eyebrows furrowing as he wrapped an arm around his wife's shoulders._

"_But-" Doctor Johnston continued, "Well you have what we like to call a 'hostile uterus' Mrs. Alenko."_

"_A 'hostile uterus?' So what, is there some crazy hillbilly cell with a shotgun shooting any sperm that dare go near my egg?"_

_The doctor raised her eyebrows at the woman. "Well I- I suppose that's one way to put it. You see, before ovulation, a woman's body releases a watery mucus from the cervix to help sperm reach the egg for fertilization. If this mucus is too thick, or in your case too acidic, the sperm have a hard time reaching their destination."_

"_So this is my fault?" Joss asked, glad that there was no wavering in her voice despite the fact that she felt like bursting into tears. Kaidan pulled her in as close as the chairs they were in allowed, but said nothing, knowing that any attempts at verbal comforting would only end with her crying._

"_You mustn't look at it that way Mrs. Alenko," Johnston said, voice a strange mix between sad and sincere, "There are steps we can take to try to remedy this..."  
><em>*-*-*

They'd left that appointment with a prescription that would _hopefully_, that adverb being the key word, make her uterus a more welcoming place. The liquid (a thick, brown, nasty substance) had to be taken twice a day, everyday for two weeks before it took effect. Those two weeks were up yesterday and as soon as Kaidan got home from work he drug her up to their bedroom (okay, that was a bit disingenuous; it was more like a mutual tackling and scrambling). A few hours later and they both lay there wondering if any of it paid off.

A high pitched beep signaling that the test was ready brought Joss' attention back to the present. With shaking hands she picked up the little stick, slowly turning it over to see a soft pink plus sign. She stared down dumbly at the thing before a wide grin pulled at her full lips.

"I'm going to be a mommy," she whispered, her free hand going down to rest on her stomach. With the pregnancy test still clutched tightly in her hand, Joss rushed out of the bathroom to wake her sleeping husband and tell him the good news.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Sorry if I grossed any of you out with the whole "hostile uterus" description (given my major I don't find things like that disturbing, but not everybody is me so...yeah lol) Idk why, but lately I've been really into Kaidan. Maybe it has something to do with me listening to Raphael Sbarge read the Horizon letter (so many feelings! *insert fangirl noises here*), but I digress lol...


	36. Lurking

**Characters**: Shepard, Ashley, & Kaidan  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 313  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: I always thought that statue was sketch... (for the 100 Theme's Challenge on dA)

* * *

><p><strong>25. Lurking<strong>

"You know, art normally doesn't do much for me, but I've always liked that piece," Ashley mused out loud. Joss and Kaidan looked over at the mass relay statue before looking back the the Gunnery Cheif. "What? You two don't like it?"

Joss shrugged. "I don't hate it, but I can't say that I particularly care for it. Something about it just seems kinda wrong. Plus it gives off this weird little hum..."

"You can hear it too?" Kaidan asked, hand coming up to rub at his chin. "I thought it was just me. It makes my teeth tingle."

"Same here," the Commander said, eying the statue wearily. "Kinda creepy."

"Huh," Ashley looked back at the miniature relay, "I've never felt or heard a hum. Maybe it's a biotic thing?"

"Maybe... but even so, it'd have to be giving off some type of energy to even affect our biotics..." Joss trailed off as they all continued to stare up at the statue. Pressure began to build and pulse behind her eyes, the first sign that a massive headache was coming on. The static in her head also seemed to get worst the longer they stood next to the thing. "Let's move guys," she said as she brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose, "We don't want to keep the Council waiting."

As they walked away the pressure began to fade and the static screeching in her head lessened. The Commander made a mental note to stay away from the statue at least until she was able to do something about the Prothean message bouncing around in her skull.

_Even after receiving the cypher Shepard still steered clear of the statue, though if she were to ever go near it again she would've heard one word repeating: Gateway._

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: OooOoo, creepy lol. Welp, this concludes the uploads for this week! Whew! Updates will go back to normal, with a new drabble every week. So until next Friday, I bid you all farewell.


	37. Gray

****Characters******: Shepard & Kar'resh  
><strong>**Word Count**: 481  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: If your reading this chapter then it would stand to reason that you've already read chapter seven, but on the off chance that you haven't I would advise that you do so before reading this chapter. While it is not necessary to understand this chapter, they are kinda connected, so I think it adds to it, but that's just me *shrugs* Still for the 100 Themes Challenge on dA.

* * *

><p><strong>Two tickets to that thing you love goes to:<strong>

**-RayneEthelWulf**: I'm always happy to spam with updates lol. It would seem as if everyone agrees with you about the Mordin chapter. That Salarian is ace. Thanks for the review!  
><strong>-Janizary<strong>: Ahh, thanks for all the reviews! Oh God, Volus doing Snow White... it would take. For. _Ever_.  
><strong>-Fatalicious<strong>: I've said it before, but I'll go ahead and say it again, thanks for all of the reviews and for pointing stuff out! You help keep my drabbles logical lol.  
><strong>-maximuso<strong>: A Mordin-speak review, I love it. And thank you! Complemnts such as those warm a writer's heart. I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapters and I hope they continue to amuse.

**You fave/alert? You get one ticket to a thing you don't necessarily love, but don't hate. Now, onwards!**

* * *

><p><strong>19. Gray<strong>

"_What would you do if somebody betrayed you?"_

Garrus' words seemed to echo through her skull as she pressed her foot down harder still on the Batarian's head. It turned out that Captain Vorhess, one of the two men who helped hijack this freighter, was none other than _Kar'resh_. She had to resist the urge to spit as just the thought of his name left a foul taste in her mouth. While this 'man' had no loyalties to her and thus could never truly betray her, he did snatch her family, friends, and a whole life from under her.

She heard bullets wiz past her head, felt the slight pings as the projectiles broke though her shields and peppered her armor, but she didn't care. She'd dreamed of this day for years now, of what she would do if she'd ever got her hands on Kar'resh. Sometimes it would be swift, she'd just put a bullet through his brain and be done with it. Other times she did it slow, embedding her combat knife deep in his stomach, letting him feel his insides tear as she twisted the blade before leaving him there to bleed out. Hell, after she found out she was a biotic she'd even entertained the idea of crushing him like a soda can with a mass effect field.

But now that she had him here at her mercy all of the thoughts that once played out so vividly in her mind's eye were now dulled with age. The thoughts that use to consume and define her no longer held any appeal for her because she was no longer that person. That bitter, angry, and ultimately scared little girl was gone, replaced with a now fully grown woman with a rage that burned so fiercely in her heart that it was almost frightening. And with revenge just within her grasp...

"_I don't know," she answered honestly. "But I do know that I wouldn't let it change me."_

Her own words came back to her then. She hadn't let Garrus take the shot for that very reason. They were killers, she had no qualms about that fact, but they were not _murders_. If she would've let him killed Sidonis that day he would've crossed that line and she was sure that he would no longer be the man he once was. But this- this was different. Wasn't it?

_I'm just doing my job. This has everything to do with the mission and nothing to do with revenge, right?_

She still wasn't sure of the answer when she put two rounds into the Batarian's midsection with her shotgun.

"_Gray," he said, "I don't know what to do with gray."_

And as she stood there watching Kar'resh's blood pool out around her booted feet she had to admit, if only to herself, that neither did she.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: A bit late, I know. Terribly sorry, work and school, yadda-yadda-yadda. This chapter was inspired by the N7 mission _MSV Strontium Mule_. When I saw that Batarian I was all_ "Kar'resh, so we meet again."_ lol. Also, over the next few days I'm finally going to go in and edit all of these chapters. Nothing major, just grammar/spelling junk. Don't know if FF sends out alerts for updating chapters, but if they do, feel free to ignore them.  
>Also! If you've never gotten this branch of N7 missions it's started when you find the anomaly on Joab, the third planet in the Enoch system which is in the Rosetta Nebula which is unlocked after you complete Jacob's loyalty mission. Yeah, that's a lot I know lol. Thank goodness for the ME wiki, I wouldn't have remember any of that without it.<p> 


	38. Twirl

**Characters: **Shepard & Wrex  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 302  
><strong>Rating: <strong>K  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Bah! Who doesn't love Wrex? Joss has always thought of the old Krogan as a big brother of sorts and he's developed a bit of a soft spot for the oddball biotic...

* * *

><p><strong>A unicorn (or other mythical creature of your choice) goes to:<strong>

****-Fatalicious****: I don't think it sounds horrible lol. It was interesting to write that chapter because I didn't really know how she was going to react tbh and it was kinda like I was learning about her as I went- for all the sense that makes lol. Anyways! Thanks for the review! :]

**You fave/alert? You get a lucky rabbit's foot. Not that mythical, but hey, it's something *shrugs* Now, onwards!**

* * *

><p><strong>Twirl<strong>

"Shepard," the hulking Krogan said, squinting his beady red eyes.

"Wrex," the Commander replied in kind.

They both stood there for a long moment staring at each other with leveling gazes, fingers subtly twitching at their sides as if longing for the grasp of their weapons. The air was thick with anticipation as the two continued their face-off.

Shepard was the first to make a move, flinging herself at the massive of Krogan who caught her with ease and began to spin her around. The clear, ringing laughter that bubbled up from the vanguard's throat was soon followed by Wrex's rumbling chuckle.

She knew that they were a sight to behold, the Savior of the Citadel being swung around by a Urdnot's Clan Leader like a child, but at the moment she couldn't bring herself to care.

"Alright Wrex, getting dizzy," Shepard moaned after a couple of minutes more of spinning.

He chuckled again as he sat the woman on the ground once more. "Humans," he said with a shake of his head as he placed a steadying hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah yeah, I know. Lack of redundant organs, a weaksauce race, consistently stupid, so on and so forth," she said with a playful roll of her eyes. That earned her a hardy laugh and a slap on the back which made her stumble even more. "Right, well about this whole twirling business and me giggling like a school girl? We both have images to uphold so maybe it's best if we don't tell anybody about this, yeah?"

The Krogan gave her a brief nod. "If anyone asks, I'll just tell them that I was trying to kill you."

Shepard grinned widely at the alien that she thought of as family. "It's good to see you again Wrex."

"You too, Shepard."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Welp, that's that lol. I haven't been feeling too good as of late and my writing has suffered for it. Updates may be all over the place for the next few weeks because of that :/ But! The ME3 demo drops in a few days so that's something. Anyways, have a good weekend!


	39. Dream

****Characters******:** Miranda & Joker with a side of Shepard & Garrus  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 731  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Wtf did I just write? Blame it on my lack of sleep combined with excitement over the ME3 demo that's coming out tomorrow! This is total cracky-crack-crack! You have been warned! Lol...

* * *

><p><strong>A handful of various Valentines Day related candy goes to:<strong>

**-RayneEthelwulf**: Yay! Glad ya liked it :D  
><strong>-Whatshisface v.2<strong>: Ikr? Lol. And indeed it is my friend. I find it hilarious that it comes out on Valentines day, thus killing my original plans for the day. Now instead of going out for a niceish dinner, me and the bf will be sitting in our respective dorm rooms playing the hell out of said demo while oovoo-ing each other. Nerdy relationships ftw!  
><strong>-Fatalicious<strong>: Don't we all? :]

**You fave/alert the story? You get a box of those chalky heart thingies. Sure they are pretty gross, but they make great projectiles. Now, onwards!**

* * *

><p><strong>39. Dream<strong>

Miranda lay awkwardly sprawled across the couch in her spotless office. Shepard had given the crew shore leave meaning the _Normandy_ was oddly quiet. The XO fully intended to take advantage of the sudden lapse of noise, if she could just _relax_.

_This shouldn't be this hard! All I have to do is lay here_, the thought held both annoyed and sad undertones. After so many years of being a woman of action, Miranda found herself hard pressed to sit down and just _be_. _I'm supposed to be built to be the perfect human, but I can't even do something that's suppose to come naturally to all beings of the species._ She scoffed loudly, a sound that she usually found to undignified to make around others, but as it stood she was by herself.

Seeing no reason to sit around idly when there was still so much work to be done, she rose from the cushy leather seat and crossed over to her desk. Before she reached her chair, the door to her quarters opened with more fanfare than usual, a gust of wind coming in and blowing her chocolate locks back. Miranda looked up to see Jeff Moreau standing in the middle of the door way with his right hand clasped to his chest.

"What the hell? Moreau what are you doing here?"

"Miranda, I am home now," he started as if he hadn't heard her.

_'Home?' What is he talking about?_ She started to question him yet again, but his green eyes smoldered with such an intensity that it rendered her speechless.

"And I am looking so handsome," he continued as he walked towards her, "And also my shirt opened?" He sounded just as confused as she felt as they both stared down at his now ripped shirt.

Another gust of wind came out of seemingly nowhere, blowing the torn fabric to either side of his body and exposing the milky expanse of his rippling abs. "Ooh Mister Moreau, ooh," she sighed, swooning at the sight like some actress in an old Earth vid. Joker caught her, one arm snaking around her waist while the other dipped dangerously low towards her ass. Her head lolled back in a dramatic fashion, "Let's do it." She wasn't sure which horrified her more, the fact that she'd just propositioned him, or the fact that she was okay with said proposition.

"Yes," Joker agreed, "And I will leave my cap on." They gazed intently at one another before crashing their lips together.

_Meanwhile in a 20 GSM radius of this event..._

"An endorsement for a discount? Sounds like a fair trade to me! So I just talk into this right? Okay. Ahem. I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favor-" Joss stopped in the middle of what would've been her fifth endorsement that day. Both of her bra straps just popped and she felt her temperature start to rise. She wasn't sure what was going on, but whatever it was, it was _spectacular_. "Mister Moreau!" she ran both hands through her hair, not even questioning why she was moaning her pilot's name.

Garrus' hands froze on the keyboard. Something totally bizarre, highly improbable, and undeniably _awesome_ was taking place _right now_. He dropped to his knees, leaving his calibration unfinished. "Mister Moreau!" he howled to the ceiling for reasons he couldn't explain.

* * *

><p>Miranda woke with a start, head instantly snapping over to the left. <em>Alone<em>, she thought with a relieved sigh, _That was weird and awkward and... ugh, I need a shower._ She quickly rose from the bed, grabbing her things before heading to the bathroom.

As she stood under the streaming hot water a nagging thought told her that a cold shower might be more appropriate for the situation before she cast the notion off with a growl. A cold shower would insinuate that she need to rid herself of certain... _feelings_... feeling of which she _did not_ have. It was just a dream born of stress, too much work, and not enough sleep. Nothing more, nothing less.

Miranda tried to go through the rest of her day without thinking about Joker or that dream, but the latter continued to creep into her thoughts. Though what was more troubling was the thought that echoed behind it:

_It was amazing._

The End.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: This is... idek haha. This... thing... was inspired by the "Ooh Mister Darcy" meme (linkage: http:/ /knowyourmeme .com/memes/ooh-mister-x ) I've been wanting to try this out for awhile now, just to see if it could work outside of comic form. I think it came out okay, but I'm sure people won't hesitate to tell me if it was a total fail in reviews lol. Also! I was on going through some of my old faved stuff on tumblr and found these kick-awesome pics of ME characters in human form:

Grunt: **http:/ /tinyurl .com/84x8qqk**  
>Tali: <strong>http: /tinyurl .com/79x5223**  
>Legion: <strong>http: /tinyurl .com/7hlkvsx**  
>Wrex: <strong>http: /tinyurl .com/7ksq5jj**  
>Mordin: <strong>http: /tinyurl .com/787bexd **(am I the only one getting an Arcade Gannon vibe here? yes? no? yes? okay.)  
>Thane: <strong>http: /tinyurl .com/7zmvekc**  
>Garrus: <strong>http: /tinyurl .com/8xzfnn5**

All of those lovely creations are by the lovely Shoko86 (whom can also be found on deviantART under the same user name), and no, I don't know her I just think awesome art needs to be shared! Anyways! Have a good rest of the week!


	40. Rape

**Characters**: Garrus Vakarian**  
>Word Count<strong>: 1230**  
>Rating<strong>: T**  
>Author's Note<strong>: My take on why our favorite Turian left C-Sec. (Note: this chapter is kinda messed up. There's no graphic detail, but the act is mentioned.)

* * *

><p><strong>Review Replies:<strong>

-**Whatshisface v.2**: So how'd you like the demo? Was it everything you dreamed? Did you enjoy the multiplayer? Did you rage? Why am I asking so many questions? And worry not, I'm sure that you'll find someone to share sweet, nerdy love with...eventually...hmm, I suck at encouragement, but hey! I tried lol. And I'm glad you liked it. When I was reading through some Mr. Darcy memes all I could see was Joker saying 'and I will leave my cap on' and thus that chapter was born lol...

-**CreatedInFyre7**: Why hello dere! Glad ya enjoyed the chapters ^.^

-**Janizary**: Nobody in their right mind would argue with Wrex on that point lol. And that's true, though given his condition, I doubt that Joker, even with an ax, would stand much of a chance against Miranda's biotics. And those pics are awesome! I posted the link to two more at the end of this chapter.

-**Fatalicious**: My dear, you have just witnessed a meme gone wrong haha. Hope I didn't mentally scar you or anything like that...

-**Helljumper 1337**: Oh wow, you read them all? Kudos, I'm having a hard time doing that just to edit them lol. One review is fine, it warms my heart just as much as a dozen would...

-**Sky Stormsong**: It's lovely, isn't it? Thanks for the review!

-**midnight** **vinyls**: Haha, glad to hear it! Thank-a-you for the review!

* * *

><p><strong>92. Rape<strong>

"Here you go, Sir."

"Hmm?" the Chief looked up from his terminal to the datapad being held in front of his face. "What's this Vakarian?"

Garrus coughed into his free hand. "The uhh, the report Sir, from the ahh-" he paused, struggling to verbalize the monstrosity he witnessed earlier, "-_incident_."

"'Incident?' We work for C-Sec son, dealing in dozen of 'incidents,'" here Baalan did the quote-unquote motion with his talons, something incredibly human for a man who supposedly disdained the species, "daily. You're going to have to be more specific."

The younger Turian pulled his mandibles in close to his face, clearly uncomfortable. "I'm talking about what happened on Tayseri Ward... behind the concert hall ruins..."

"Oh, yes, __that__incident." The Chief clasped his hands together on top of his desk, clearly no more comfortable with the conversation than his subordinate. "Though I am glad that I didn't have to twist your arm for once to get you to file the proper paperwork, it won't be necessary in this case."

Garrus straightened up, taking the datapad in both hands. "Sir?"

"I won't be needing that paperwork, the incident won't be filed," Baalan said, hands unclasping to fly over the keyboard.

"But Sir, the victim, Ms. La'Sanna, she's pressing charges-"

"Not anymore."

"Wha- did she retract her statement or...?"

Baalan let out a long-suffering sigh, a hand coming up to rub at his forehead. "You're not going to let this go, are you Vakarian?"

"Why should I?" Garrus demanded, "She was __raped__, she deserves-"

"'Justice?'" the Chief finished for him.

"Yes, that's exactly what she deserves!"

"The man, the one who- assaulted her, do you know who he is?"

"What does that matter?"

"That's Ambassador Orinia's nephew," Baalan continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"So that means we just gloss over this, make this 'go away' so as not to inconvience the Ambassador?"

"That's one way to put it..."

"She was raped!" Garrus roared, slamming his hand down on the desk hard enough to shake the pictures on its surface. "Meris La'Sanna is laying in a hospital violated and half dead from anaphylactic shock and you just want to make this go away?" he snarled, face just inches away from the Chief's.

For his part the older Turian did move back opting instead to fix him with a glare, that if he hadn't just stared his death in the face not two months prior with Shepard and Alenko, would've been intimidating. "Easy there Garrus. Now I don't need you making a big deal out of this. The department doesn't need you making a big deal out of this. And, most importantly, you don't need to draw anymore negative attention to yourself."

"Are you threatening me, Chief Baalan?" Garrus asked, fixing the man with a glare of his own.

Baalan shrugged, another human habit he picked up. "Not at all. I'm just saying, your 'ends justify the means' attitude has put you in a bad light with the higher ups. That may have worked when you were tramping about with that sorry excuse for a Spectre-" Garrus let out a warning growl making the other man chuckle. "Ooo, did I strike a nerve? Please, forgive me, 'when you were out tramping about with __Commander Shepard__,'" he fluttered his mandibles in a sarcastic grin, "but that doesn't fly around here. Now I've been lenient about enforcing the rules because you do get results, but if you were to force my hand- well..." he gave another little shrug as if to say 'what can you do?'

"You do what you want," Garrus spat, disgusted as he turned for the door, "but I'm reporting this. I can guarantee you that by this time tomorrow this information will be all over the news and the net."

"Garrus, Garrus, Garrus," he chuckled condescendingly as he rose from his desk. "Always so quick to take the law into your own hands. It would be an admirable quality if it wasn't so repulsively naive. Go, run off to take that report to Emily Wong or that al-Jilani woman or whoever will have you. Let them broadcast it for the whole galaxy to see and bring this department down around my fringe. I won't stop you, I won't even lift a talon against you to try. But you should know -how does that old human phrase go? oh yes- that for every action there's a reaction."

Garrus stopped just inches from the door, though he didn't turn around. "Meaning?"

"Well if this gets out there's no guaranteeing that we'll be able to protect Ms. La'Sanna-"

"You wouldn't-" the words came out in a disbelieving whisper.

"You're right, _I_ wouldn't, but I can't speak for other- let's call them 'interested parties.'"

Garrus clinched the datapad hard, a tremor of rage rolling down his tall frame. There was no denying the threat in Baalan's words- __and one of the first oaths I took when I became a Citadel Security Service Officer__, his brain reminded him, __was to protect the citizens of this station from all known threats__. And so, as much as he wanted to do anything but, he let the datapad fall to the floor and walked out, the sound of thin metal hitting the tiles echoing in his mind.

* * *

><p>"So you're really leaving then Garrus?"<p>

He looked back at the petite human woman he'd just passed. "Oh, Officer Vargus hello. Ahh yes, I'm leaving." She reminded him a lot of Shepard, with her bright eyes and easy smile that always seemed to infer that she was in on a joke that you were not yet privy to. She was far too observant which was why he was hoping to avoid her.

"And you weren't even going to say goodbye? For shame," she mock-scolded, lips quirking up into an even bigger smile.

"Well you know me," he replied, hefting his bag up higher on his shoulder, "I've never been one much for goodbyes."

She chuckled. "I didn't know that, but I believe you. So, where are you headed off to?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe I'll go back home for awhile, my family has been haranguing me about coming around more." The ticket clearly marked for Omega seemed to grow heavier in his pocket, but he ignored it.

"Ahh yeah, same here, same here. They don't seem to understand that it's not quite possible to come home every weekend on a C-Sec officer's salary." She snorted before shaking her head. "It's a shame you're going though."

Garrus' mandibles fluttered a bit in surprise. "How's that?"

"Well with all your experience you'd be a shoe-in for Chief," Vargus stated. Garrus her a look that she either did catch or ignored -he was pretty sure it was the latter- as she continued. "It's tragic though, isn't it? Chief Baalan being dead I mean."

"I don't know if I would call it 'tragic'," he said dryly.

"Weird though," she continued on, still ignoring him, "how he died I mean. A clean shot right though his mouth. Same thing happened to that Orinia boy. Don't know who did them in, but whoever it was must've been __pretty__handy with a sniper rifle."

"Guess so," he sighed, arms crossing over his chest. "So, are we done here?"

"Guess so," she said, mirroring his pose. "Well, I suppose this is goodbye then. See ya around Vakarian."

"Goodbye, Vargus."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Kay so this'll probably be the last update until after I've finished ME3. I haven't been inspired to write anything ME related (thus the lateness of this chapter) and I'm hoping that ME3 will provide my overly imaginative brain with some fodder. Didn't want to go all MIA (again) without letting ya'll know because... of reason. Yeah, let's go with that. So yeah, that's that. I'll post some links to some other cool ME stories on this site that you may or may not know about as well as some more links to some more of Shoko's art to give ya something to do until March 6 gets here (omg, it's so close! and my body is beyond ready for the awesomeness!)

* * *

><p><strong>FF(dot)net Stories [geez, so many of them are rated M, I'm not sure how to feel about that...]:<strong>

-**Manipulations** (F!Shep/Kaidan; rated M): http:/ /www. fanfiction .net/s/6768903/1/Manipulations

-**Mass Effect: Newton's First Law** (F!Shep/Kaidan- drabble type things; rated T): http:/ /www. fanfiction .net/s/6083201/1/

-**A Star to Steer Her By** (F!Shep/Joker; rated M): http:/ /www. fanfiction .net/s/6882785/1/

-**Galactic Apocalypse: A Message to Shepard** (M!Shep+Reapers; rated M for language mostly): http:/ /www. fanfiction .net/s/7188119/1/

-**Shore Leave** (various drabbles; rated M): http:/ /www. fanfiction .net/s/4856506/1/

-**Movie Night on the Normandy SR2** (drabbles based on the crew's reactions to movies- it's much more interesting that I made it sound here; rated T): http:/ /www. fanfiction .net/s/6638348/1/

**-Persephone Rising** (3 different F!Sheps romancing Joker, Garrus, & Kaidan- I don't even- just read if that's your thing, tis good; rated M): http:/ /www. fanfiction .net/s/6261542/1/

-**The Garrus Vakarian List** (a list of jokes about our favorite Turian's epicness; rated M): http:/ /www. fanfiction .net/s/5802009/1/

-**The Most Interesting Man in Mass Effect** (Sir Zaeed Massani- stay thirsty, my friends; rated M): http:/ /www. fanfiction .net/s/6681947/1/

-**The Spice of Life** (starring Jacob Taylor in the role he was born to play: THE OLD SPICE GUY!; rated K+): http:/ /www. fanfiction .net/s/6771717/1/

-**The Spirit of Truth** (F!Shep/Garrus- the beginning of one of the best Mass Effect stories of all time._ All tiiiiiimeeee_; rated M): http:/ /www. fanfiction .net/s/6693626/1/

-**The Spirit of Redemption** (F!Shep/Garrus among others- the sequels of one of the best ME stories of all time; rated M): http:/ /www. fanfiction .net/s/6735812/1/

* * *

><p><strong>Shoko's Art [because I'm totes obsessed with her work]:<strong>

-**Human Nihlus**: http:/ /tinyurl .com/8abrumm

-**Human Saren**: http:/ /tinyurl .com/8y2gced

-**F!Shep & Liara Bonding**: http:/ /tinyurl .com/79hu3n9

-**F!Shep 'Take Back Earth' Poster**: http:/ /tinyurl .com/82knt97

-**More Human Wrex**: http:/ /tinyurl .com/7fehjce

-**Gender Bender ft. J, TIM, Kaidan, and Zaeed**: http:/ /tinyurl .com/7h9lhed


	41. Wings

**NOTE: MINOR SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED THE "_FROM ASHES_" DLC!**

**.**

**.  
><strong>

**.  
><strong>

**.  
><strong>

**.  
><strong>

**.  
><strong>

**.  
><strong>

**. **

**Characters**: Shepard & Javik**  
>Word Count<strong>: 622**  
>Rating<strong>: K+**  
>Author's Note<strong>: Oh hai guise lol. So yeah, ME3... yeah. I- yeah. I'm, I don't. I'm not even gonna go there haha. Anyways! I figured it's been a decent amount of time since the game has been released and spoiler-y drabbles should be acceptable by now. But, just to be fair, all chapters will be labeled accordingly so that nothing is spoiled for anybody.

* * *

><p><strong>A box full of baby ducks goes to:<strong>

-**M4GIC OR4NGEZ**: To each their own. I label all of couple specific fluff chapters in the author's notes just before the story so that if people don't care for that specific pairing they can skip it.

-**CreatedInFyre7**: Yes, I wonder who... lol... Glad you enjoyed the chapter!

-**Fatalicious**: Glad ya liked it ^.^ In retrospect the disclaimer for that chapter may be a bit much, but you never know what can trigger some bad memories for a person so I figured it's better to err on the side of caution.

-**Whatshisface v.2**: Okay, firstly: lmao! The whole time I was playing ME3 I couldn't stop staring at their legs, they really do run like that. I don't know what you've heard about the game and I don't want to spoil anything if you do decide to get it later on, but I will tell you that the rumor you heard about EDI having boobs is sadly true. When I first saw her I stared at the screen for like two minutes trying to make it go away, but she was still there... all curvy and shiny and humanoid... And multi-player, I can't do it either. I refuse to. It's even more wrong that the dining room table in the truck stop's bathroom...

-**Helljumper 1337**: He's the last thing you'll never see coming...

-**Sky Stormsong**: I too approve of the Garrus-method lol. Glad ya liked the chapter!

-**Janizary**: That they did lol. I had the same problem! Well not with Amazon because I ordered it through Gamestop, but still, it came a day late . I'm glad that I sprung for the CE, if just for that N7 patch and badass case lol.

-**Validos**: Well, that is quite a complement, thank you!

**You fave/alert? You get just one little duckling. It's still cute, right? Now, onwards!**

* * *

><p><strong>Wings<strong>

"This is the third time in two days!"

Joss Shepard looked up from the reports she was reading at Liara who stood in front of her, water dripping down her legs from where the white robe she wore wasn't long enough to absorb it. "Say what now?"

"_Javik_," the Asari spat out the ancient's name as if it left a bad taste in her mouth, "He's in the ladies room _again_."

"I'll go talk to him then," she sighed as she rose from her bed. "Feel free to use my shower in the meantime."

As she took the elevator down to the crew deck, Shepard tried to think of a way to tell Javik to keep his plated ass out of the women's bathroom without throwing around words like 'creeper' and 'pervert.' When the car stopped at its destination she still hadn't come up with anything and really she shouldn't have even had to- didn't they have separate facilities in his cycle? Was she seriously going to have to sit him down and have the 'boys and girls have different parts' discussion?

She shuddered a bit at that last notion. _How awkward would that conversation be?_ she mused as she headed for the women's bathroom. _I have no idea how to go about this. Guess I'll just have… to… wing it?_Joss' thoughts came crashing to a halt as she took in the sight before her. Javik stood with his back to her naked as the day he was born, all well toned muscle and plates still shimmering from the shower he'd just stepped out of. It was an impressive view to be sure, but that wasn't what held her attention. No, the thing that captivated her were the four wings that protruded from the plating on his back.

They were curious things, being dragonfly-esque in appearance, though not as long proportionality. The thin membrane that covered the delicate webbing that gave them shape seemed clear at first glance, but as he shifted to turn towards her they shimmered in a rainbow of colors where the room's dim lighting caught them. The overall affect was beautiful, not to mention a bit on the hypnotic side.

"Commander," the Prothean deadpanned, snapping her from the stupor.

"You have wings," she said dumbly.

If he had eyebrows, one undoubtly would have been arched at her as he replied with an "And?"

"I didn't know that," she mumbled as she continued to stare.

"You've fought Collectors before, did they not have wings?" he asked as he busied himself with wrapping a towel about his slim hips.

She shrugged, "Well yeah, but I thought that might have been a Reaper add-on…" The room fell silent for a beat before she ventured, "So uhh, do they- can you fly?"

The man rolled all four of his eyes. "_No._"

"'Lying is a biological marker,'" she said with a smirk, voice mimicking his distinct accent.

He let out a huff that sounded suspiciously close to 'annoying primitive.' "While I cannot fly, I can… hover for a short period of time. I can also use them to break my fall if the distance is not too great."

_Wait until I tell Liara about this_, Shepard thought, though out loud she said, "Huh, well isn't that cool?" The Prothean snorted as she turned for the door. "Oh and Javik?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"You might want to stay out of the ladies room, people are starting to think that you're a bit of a perv," she tossed over her shoulder.

There was a slight pause before he responded. "Noted."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Oh Prothy the Prothean, will you ever learn? Seriously Javik is like my favorite alien companion now (don't worry Garrus, I still love you). Together with him and Vega, Joss kicked so much ass. Anyways! We should be back to our regularly update schedule of once a week from here on out.


	42. Wrath

**NOTE: MINOR SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED THE GAME!**

**.**

**.  
><strong>

**.  
><strong>

**.  
><strong>

**.  
><strong>

**.  
><strong>

**.  
><strong>

**.**

**Characters**: Shepard and various victims**  
><strong>**Word Count**: 597  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T (for a spot of language)  
><strong>Prompt<strong>: (from the ME Kmeme) _Wrex makes Shepard an honorary Krogan. All of her interrupts become headbutts.  
><em>**Author's Note**: Late update is late. Blame lack of inspiration and school... so much schoolwork... *shudders* Not to mention the site being all weird and not letting me post stuff (not that I had anything _to_ post, but still, it didn't know that!)

* * *

><p><strong>One get out of jail free card goes to:<strong>

-**Sky Stormsong**: Glad ya liked it ^.^ Nice to know Joss isn't the only one lol...

-**CreatedInFyre7**: Idk if he has wings thb lol. It was a fill for a prompt that I forgot to add in the description. And I think it's just great that Protheans are _nothing_ like the Asari thought they would be. Well Javik anyway. He trolls Liara so hard, half the time without even trying, it's awesome lol.

-**Whatshisface v.2**: Ducklings playing instruments and wearing tophats? -I'm _**dead**_- Hahaha... Hmm, that's weird, the game was kinda glitch-tastic tho, but I'm assuming that you've finished ME3 by now? I'm not going to ask you a series of questions here like I want to- I shall do it in message form! (if the site lets me .)

-**Janizary**: That video. _That video_. _**That video.**_ It is prefection hahaha. You are sinister lol. But uhh, when you and the duckies take over the world, can you like spare me? I can be like- idk something entertaining, but not at all useful... And yes, Javik the space moth creeper. It's law. Here's to hoping my randomness can help with some of your ME3 feels...

-**Fatalicious**: Javik is a bit of a tool, but I can give him that given the circumstances. I think the reason I like him so much is because he's nothing like what Liara thought he would be (that's not to say that I don't like Liara, she's grown to be one of my favorite characters actually) but it's just hilarious to me. Though I think that after the war is over -providing you ignore the endings, which I always do- he'll be less... uptight? I mean he did agree to write that book with her, so that's kinda a start, right? And EDI- I was pissed at first, but I've gotten use to it now, even take her on a few missions every now and then- but for the life of me I just cant do multiplayer. Every time I try I just feel dirty lol. I'll do it one day though... maybe...

**You fave/sub the story? Here, have the little top hat and iron- you know from Monopoly? They're pretty much the best pieces in the whole game imo. Now, onwards!**

* * *

><p><strong>33. Wrath<strong>

"I don't know Shepard," Kaidan said, gun still trained on her, "Cerberus overrunning the station and then you show up out of the blue with your gun pointed at a member of the Council-" he shook his head, "it looks _kinda _bad."

Joss gaped at Kaidan- _first he accuses me of being a husk on Mars and now this? I'm a Krogan, dammit, I don't have to take this shit! _With a deafening roar she tossed her shotgun to the side and channeled her biotics into a charge. Faster than Kaidan could even think the word 'traitor' she grabbed him by the shoulders and headbutted him.

"She's- she's lost her mind!" Udina sputtered. "I told you she was crazy!" The councilman's yelling only served to draw the Commander's attention to him. With a battle-cry she rushed towards him and smashed her helmet-covered head into his, rendering him unconscious.

"I. Am. _Krogaaaaaaan!_" she bellowed as she stood over the man's body. "Who else wants some?" she asked, eyes wild as she looked at the Asari and Turian council members.

There were no takers.

* * *

><p>"...there is only one way to save Falere," Samara said, voice even, yet laden with pain.<p>

"Mother," the Ardat-Yakshi sobbed, "_no-_"

Time seemed to slow at the Justicar raised the pistol to her head, apologies spilling from her lips as she readied herself to die. Before she could pull the trigger Shepard's hands were on her shoulders, spinning her around. "Shepard what are you-"

"_NO!_" Joss screamed as she rammed her head into the asari's. "I'm not letting you throw your life away!"

"...there isn't anything in that Code about getting headbutted by a Spectre, is there?" James asked no one in particular as Shepard continued to yell at a dazed Samara.

Liara pinched the bridge of her nose. "For her sake I hope not..."

* * *

><p>"But I-!"<p>

"No."

"But he-!"

"_No_."

"We were still on the ship!"

"I don't want to hear it Shepard," Chakwas said as she pressed the ice pack firmly to the knot forming in the middle of the Commander's forehead. "What if you would've cracked his helmet, hmm? What then?" Shepard gave no reply as she stared at the wall, bottom lip poked out. "And what of the political fallout? We're trying to get the Quarian's to work with us, I doubt that ramming your head against one of their admiral's mask will inspire cooperation."

"Fine, I won't headbutt anymore quarian admirals," Shepard mumbled as she started for the door. "Except for that Xen chick," she amended under her breath.

* * *

><p>"For many there may be no hope. The Reapers killed trillions in my cycle. The odds of being among the living are remote."<p>

The small crowd that had gathered around Javik seemed to wilt under his harsh words and Shepard sighed.

_This is precisely why I came with him_, she thought with an annoyed air, _These people need hope not a dose of his Prothean cynicism._

With another sigh she pulled out the capacitor helmet that she'd just purchased and slid it on for protection- not even her honorary Krogan skull could come away from headbutting those plates without a scar. At the sound of the helmet's seals clicking he turned around. "Commander, what are-" he paused as she tapped the helmet with her index finger, "You wouldn't." But the sinister smile that pulled on her lips said that she not only would, but that she'd enjoy it as well.

The Prothean mumbled something that sounded like 'psychotic primitive' before turning back to the crowd. "But there is still hope..."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Making Shepard was either Wrex's greatest accomplishment or his biggest mistake lol. But when he called Shep 'sister' I teared up. Brogan for life. Anyways! Here's to hoping that writer's block doesn't bite me in the ass again so that I can stick to my update schedule...


End file.
